Okay. So I don't mean to be a blubbering mess but I kinda don't know where to go.. We have been married 8 years. We were actively trying to get pregnant for more than half of that time. We gave up bc it just plain wasn't happening or even looking close to happening. We thought " well maybe if we stop ' trying ' so hard then maybe something will happen... That was 3 years ago. Nothing. Notta. Zilch. Nothing but sadness every month and hidden but deeply regret for so much dislike towards any of our friends who have gotten pregnant not once but a few 3 or 4 times in our 8 year marriage. It happened again yesterday when we heard our friends new baby was born and then again hit me hard this morning when I saw on Facebook that ANOTHER friend was 8 weeks and just now that another friend is in labor and on her way to the hospital. I am so so happy for them but so damn dad bc I feel like we failed at making life. I feel like I failed at being a woman for my husband. I had 2 boys from a previous relationship and my doc said we're healthy. Everything seems normal but <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> and any <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">fertility medications</a> are so pricey. It seems like having a kids is more expensive than kids themselves. I'm so heart broken 💔 that I just want to sit and cry when any mention of baby or pregnancy comes anywhere close to my ears. I'm so happy for people who can just boom get pregnant and not bar an eyelash but I have so much jealousy and frustration that it's hard to be the happy and bouncy friend that everyone else is being to the pregnant one.

My poor husband tried to console me this morning telling me that our turn will come one day and our kid will be so awesome that it will be worth the wait. But 8 years has felt like a lifetime. I'm 30 years old. I don't want to have to wait another 8 years to find out bc it's so risky.

I may just be having a pity party and I'm sorry but I'm just really bummed out.

Thank you to whoever if you made it this far in reading. It is kinda nice knowing my poor heart hasn't totally fallen on deaf ears and blind eyes. Thank you for letting me get it out.

Good luck and BD to all (i mean it, I really do!)