Discovering a new pregnancy when it has not been talked about or planned (or even when the pregnancy was intended) may bring up feelings of being shocked or overwhelmed. These are very common, immediate reactions, which can also be accompanied by feeling anxious and perhaps scared, frightened, confused and/or angry. Being pregnant when you did not intend to be can also trigger feelings of being 'out of control' and possibly feeling 'at the mercy' of your pregnancy's destiny (in a sense).

Women have described their feelings as:

• It has happened 'too soon' (even though they really wanted a baby at some stage), or
• Shocked - 'We have actually done it', or
• Anxious - 'There is no turning back now', or
• Scared and questioning 'Is this really what I / we wanted?' or
• Do we really want another child?

Maybe it isn't the 'right' time for you?

How you feel about having a baby will depend on your individual circumstances. It may be that you are working on your career or studies, or perhaps you had planned not have any more children and this has now changed. If you are in a relationship, your pregnancy will have a direct impact on this, whether you have been with your partner for a long time, or if the relationship is relatively new. How you feel may ultimately be based on how your partner feels about the pregnancy as well.

Going it alone

Some women will have their baby on their own (whether by choice or circumstance). This in itself will involve an emotional adjustment as you plan how you will deal with the pregnancy and caring for your baby. You may need to negotiate a level of support or involvement from the father (or how much he is prepared to give). Or perhaps start considering your avenues of support from family and friends. Even if this pregnancy was preceded by many hours of practical and financial planning, there can still be moments of anxiety or feeling scared, now that the pregnancy is actually a reality. Setting up a good support network is important and sorting out the 'well-meaning offers' from the 'reliable support' may be needed. Having someone you trust to talk about your feelings can help now and as the pregnancy progresses.

There's many questions

A new pregnancy brings with it many questions for most people. Along with the shock can be mixed feelings of ambiguity and hesitation. Your baby will take nine months to develop, grow and prepare for life outside the womb and most women need this amount of time to adjust, plan ahead and explore their different options about possible pregnancy care, giving birth and parenting. Entering (or continuing) this new arena in life often generates a level of uncertainty.

Common emotions can include feeling unsure about:

• Your changing role to becoming a mother.
• A second, third (or more) pregnancy making you wonder how you will manage another child emotionally, physically and financially.
• Your career and/or studies and how the pregnancy and baby will impact on this.
• Your partner's work. How will you manage if they work long hours or travel regularly?
• Financial concerns (going from 2 wages to 1), or if you are the higher income earner, pressure to return to work soon after the birth or dropping your income to care for the baby.
• Being a single parent and how you will cope alone, or what involvement the father of the baby will have.
• Having a health condition that may affect the pregnancy or health of your baby.
• Contemplating mothering and feeling that you won't know what to do with a baby. (Remember your baby will teach you as babies have all done in the past!)

This is normal

Feeling unsure about a wide range of issues is normal. However, identifying your concerns can also be a positive tool to help you start setting up some coping strategies to deal with them. Discussing your concerns with your partner, caregivers, friends, family and/or other mothers may help you to think things through and to lay out some plans on how you will deal with them.