When to tell in laws about infertility?

Question

My in laws keep staring at my stomach wondering when I'll be pregnant. My sister in law is on her fourth pregnancy and I really do not want ny brother in law and sister in law to know. My dh wants his parents to know. Do you think we can tell my other in law and father in law and it will reduce the stress? I'm so confused on if it will help or hurt.

Answer

It's a tough call. We have told both sides to avoid the 'so... When are you having kids comments'. They happened way to often, and became hurtful. I have asked everyone to keep it to themselves, and don't have much control over whether they really do or not. It has made everyone a little more sensitive overall, and means I don't have to talk about it very much to anyone. I keep answers to questions short and to the point.

Answer

Very similar situation here. We struggled with infertility. DHs brother has been married for 12 years and they have a 10 and 5 yr old. They are done having kids so all the pressure is on us. The day we got married his family started asking how long until I was going to be pregnant. Every time we would get together it was brought up. It got old....fast. Don't get me wrong, my family definitely asked too, but not as much as my inlaws. We kept trying and nothing was working. After almost two full years of no luck, my OB referred us to an RE. Because of DHs parents and family constantly bugging us for info, we didn't even tell them we were going to a specialist. We told my parents because some questions involved my mothers fertility history.

Fast forward several months, my in laws still have no clue what has gone on. I was diagnosed with endometriosis and all the tests revealed that IVF was pretty much our best option. We went back to my parents because we couldn't afford it without their help. I actually started the Lupron injections while on family vacation in Mexico with my inlaws. We hid everything from them. We came home and went through the rest of IVF without sharing the news. We are close to them but they retired last year and travel a lot so it was easier to hide it than it would have been. I am now 8w4d and we told them two weeks ago I was pregnant after our first US.

I am still torn on whether or not to tell them. DH doesn't care. His dad went to med school and thinks he knows everything which gets very annoying. What scares me about telling him is he will never let it go. I am afraid he will bring it up at every family discussion ever and mention it to everyone he knows who mentions infertility. He is having a hard enough time not telling people we are pregnant until we tell the world. We may tell my inlaws we saw a specialist but I don't know that we will share all the details of it....ever. Trust your gut and do what works best for you and your hubby.

Answer

I say "When God wants it to happen, it will."

However my husband pissed me off the other day by blatantly asking his mom and her boyfriend (!!) of they knew of any surefire ways to help me get pregnant. I could have set his face on fire with the look in my eyes for that comment. Omg. Its no ones business what my uterus is or isn't doing but me, my husband, and my fertility specialist.

Answer

My husband told his mom, which I was fine with. I didn't want his overly fertile sisters to know but felt like my MIL was having to keep our big dark secret as my SILs were on big time baby bump watch. I ended up just telling them (via text - we live 3 hrs apart). I kept it very high level (diagnosed on X date, trying different meds, appreciate all thoughts and prayers). It did take a weight off our shoulders.

Answer

We have told our parents, both my parents and my in laws had fertility problems and so does my sister in law. It makes for a supportive environment for everyone.

Answer

It's a double edged sword either way. When I first told my in-laws about my fertility struggles no one wanted to invite me to baby showers or keep pregnancies a secret. I know they were trying to protect me but I'd rather have them dropping baby hints on a daily basis than have them walking around like I'll go cut myself everytime someone mentions children. Eventually I told them all this and things got normal again now they are SO supportive!!!

Answer

I'm in the SAME situation .. I don't want my brother in law n sister in law to kno because there very judgy and competitive I feel like they would try to hav another one before me. And mom in law does not kno how to keep a secret so she would tell everyone our business .. So I haven't told any of them. Only my closest friend whom is in the same situation and my mom who wouldn't pressure or judge me at all!

Answer

Hmmm....it's so personal!! It really depends on how you both feel and who you feel comfortable knowing and asking questions. I told my mom & sister, we didn't tell his family, but one day I had to go to the ER with complications and his mom showed up and kinda found out 😕....we didn't discuss details though. I have no idea if she went on to tell his 3 sisters or not (I REALLY hope not!!!) I would have preferred only my mom & sister knowing.....

Answer

My family knows and dh just his mom. I don't want his family to know. DRAMA!!!!

When to tell in laws about infertility?

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