I'm so down. Very low.

I've never had an easy life..

Scratch that, I was spoiled rotten, but never got what I really wanted. My whole life I wanted freedom. I was always confined to my house. Never allowed to go anywhere I wanted to oh but sure, they'd buy me anything I wanted. A 800 dollar camera, a 300 dollar lenses for it. A 400 dollar microphone, a 2k dollar touchscreen laptop, a car.... But I wasn't happy. Then I turned 18. I had a boyfriend. I quickly left home to move in with him... He was a 24 yr old pill head.. I didn't even know he was on drugs until I moved in with him.. And when I left, at 18.. My family disowned me.. Shit went downhill from there too. They took my car, took my phone, kept all my posessions that they had bought me... My bf got worse on drugs. I stayed because I had no where else to go. He cheated on me. Gave me chlamydia. I got it taken care of.... Then I had an outbreak of sores... I didn't even go to the hospital.... Then his grandma told me he had HPV, she thought I should know.. All this happened within a few months. Too much to hold. I freaked out. Had frequent panic attacks. Didn't know where to go, who to talk to.... My grandma rescued me. I left my bf, lived with grandma...... But now I was lonely, I felt like a foreigner back in my own family... Sleeping on a couch... Then I met my current bf. I was happier. With life , with him. Now I am 20. I just moved in with him.... He has a break out. It had totally slipped my mind that almost two years ago I had a break out.... Now i don't know what to do. He hasn't asked me if its an std. He's talking about going to the doc, but I know what it is in my heart and I'm terrified, terrified to lose him, terrified that I've ruined his life like my ex has ruined mine. I'm in a slump again. I hate my life. If he leaves me I can't go back to that couch at my grandma's. I have no one else but him. I'm about to give up. And I'm so scared.