I don't even know how to start this or explain this. Recently I've been super emotional over something. When I was in kindergarten my girl cousin who was 4 years older than me told me to kiss her at a sleepover. The next couple times she came over she would touch me amd tell me to touch her.

I felt weird and uncomfortable but because she was a girl and family I thought it was ok. This went on for years. I was too afraid to tell my mom and I don't know why. But it lasted until I was 9 and she was 14. Sometimes when I start thinking about it I start crying. I feel stupid because sometimes I feel like part of it was my fault because I let her tell me what to do. I told her that I thought it was bad and she would tell me no that it was ok so I would go along with it. I have never told anyone. I don't know how I ever could. I have amazing people in my life right now and such loving parents and family but I just can't imagine tearing my family apart like that and bringing up such a thing. I feel like some would believe me and the others would hate me and turn against me. I'm scared. I have anxiety, depression and ocd and it's so hard for me to control my emotions anymore. Please I just need help or someone to talk to