When it comes to being a parent do you think we expect more from the mother than the father?

Question

Example: Fathers fighting for visitation rights with their children are patted on the back for wanting to be a part of their child's life. A mother fighting for visitation rights with their children is shamed for not already having full custody.

Answer

Personally I believe we should have equal expectations of both parents. But I feel mothers are held to a much higher standard than fathers.

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I have experienced this first hand. My ex hasnt seen my daughter since she was 6 weeks, hasn't paid a penny in child support. Ever. When she became seriously ill (doctors told me she would never make it out of the hospital) when she was 4 months old, i tracked him down and called him. I just felt that even though he had never been there, she had a right to see her "father" before she passed. His response "who can we sue". I gave him the hospital information and hung up. He never showed, didnt send anything, no money to help with bills, no gift for her, not even a card. I lived at that hospital for months with her. Eventually she pulled through and is now 11. The only reason he knows she is still alive is that he has been called to court a few times since. When she was 8 he decided that since he was ordered to pay support (even though he hasnt) he was going to sue me for visitation. He showed up at my house and told me that i either had to write off all of the debt, or he would win visitation. The court decided to attempt to give him that visitation, after everything she had been through, (she is completely dependent on others for care, but is mentally her age, which is difficult for her) they decided since he was making this tiny attempt (even if it was black mail) to allow him visitation. The only thing i was able to counter with was demand supervised visitation and drug testing at his expense, and hope he wouldnt show. Luckily he didnt. And yet he still has friends (that were mine too before i got pregnant) and the whole world just seems to brush it off.

But, if i as a woman would stop caring for my child, to not pay for the things she needs... Food, a home, clothing, special equipment, gas for all her appointments, medicines not covered by insurance, pt at home. And the million other things like changing diapers at 11, showering her, brushing her teeth..... Id be arrested for neglect.

Answer

I think we do expect more from the mother, since she carried and gave birth to the child.

I however, DO NOT think this is right.  Both parents should be expected to care for the child. They are both involved in making that child.

It's definitely a double standard that a "dead beat dad", while bad, is more accepted than a "dead bead mom". People don't think twice about a father not wanting to be involved, but when a mother does the same its horrible.

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I HATE that for some reason, moms are automatically assumed to be the better parent. BS. A vagina doesn't make you the better parent. A dick doesn't make you a shitty one. That's insanely ignorant.

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I can say personally men are not patted on the back. My brother has been fighting to get his son since the day he was born. He gets visitation every other weekend and pays over 800/mo in child support. She is on government assistance and milks the system. My nephew is 5 years old. My brother taught him everything necessary for him to start school. He knew nothing at 4 years old when my brother finally got visitation. She refused to enroll him last year. He has filed about 15 contempt orders because she has refused to hand him over for his scheduled visitation. My nephew once went for 6 weeks without a bath because she used his child support to buy a new iPhone instead of paying her water bill. But somehow, no matter how many times he takes her to court, she is still his mother and they refuse to give him even shared custody. That being said, if it is that hard for a mother to lose her kids then I can understand the stigma. But it's ridiculous that we have all these men out here who could care less about the lives they helped create but when a real father does want to be there for his child the mother and the legal system won't let him.

Answer

I completely agree with you. Men get away with having nothing to do with kids and don't get much backlash. Any woman you ever meet who says her kids don't live with her will immediately be asked why and given crap over it 24/7. I don't admire mothers or father's that have nothing to do with their children but its a double standard. Adult kids who's moms don't raise them seem to be very down on having that mother in their life and talk bad about her. Adult kids who's father's weren't in their life want to get in contact with them to get to know them. 
My father is the offspring of this situation. His father took him out of the country secretly and talked crap about his mom growing up. She was always searching for him. She is so happy to know he is safe now. But he won't have anything to do with her because she didn't raise him. Its stupid because its not acknowledged that she didn't know where he was and she had raised him until the father snuck him out of the country.

Answer

Personally I have equal expectations.

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Absolutely agree.

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If the mother is fighting for rights, it's usually because she lost them, unlike the father. My sister in law is in this situation. She has lost all rights to her kids because she didn't have a job along with other issues. We really don't feel bad for her either. The kids are much better off.

Answer

Each case is gonna be different. Sometimes dad could be more responsible, and sometimes it's mom that is.

When it comes to being a parent do you think we expect more from the mother than the father?

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