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How To Deal When Everyone Else Is Pregnant (and You’re Trying To Get Pregnant)

SIGNS OF OVULATION

Photo: Thinkstock / The Bump

The moment you started thinking about getting pregnant did it suddenly seem like babies and baby bumps were popping up everywhere? Yet all you want to see is that BFP, and still nothing. We know how it feels, so we asked a pro how to cope.

Throw yourself a pity party…but don’t overdo it

Yes, you can feel sorry for yourself. “I do believe in throwing pity parties,” says Shoshana Bennett, PhD, a clinical psychologist. You don’t even have to stop at one pity party. If you need to do it each month until you’re pregnant, go ahead. But here’s the trick: You want to end on a positive note each time, or else it could lead to more depression. So pick a time and place and let it all out — cry, yell, write in a journal — however it is that you can get your feelings out. But give yourself a time limit: Party’s over in 15 minutes, that kind of thing.

Don’t compare apples and oranges

Hell, don’t even compare apples to apples. The truth is, this isn’t a competition, and it doesn’t matter how easy or hard trying to get pregnant is for anyone else but you. Besides, 99 percent of the time, you really don’t know someone else’s story. “It may not be as easy for her as you think,” says Bennett. If you stop driving yourself crazy comparing yourself to other women, you’ll be able to be more positive.

Ignore hurtful comments

Everyone just has to put in their two cents, right? When people hear you’re TTC, here come all the “helpful” stories. But it can be really annoying to listen for the fifth time about how a friend of a friend got pregnant when she wasn’t even trying. “Ignore that stuff and keep yourself positive,” says Bennett. “Change the subject, walk away or tell your friend that her comments aren’t helping. It’s very important to let people know how you’re feeling, especially those whom you consider your best support system.” They won’t stop doing it if they don’t know it’s annoying or hurtful.

Skip the shower and don’t feel guilty about it

You know, you can decline a baby shower invite. “Don’t shame yourself on not wanting to attend,” says Bennett. “If you feel it would be more painful than good to go to the shower, then give yourself permission to not go. Your friend will understand.” Explain to your friend how you’re feeling and why you can’t go to the shower, and send her a gift. It’s better than feeling terrible about yourself in public. That said, if you feel like going, go ahead!

Don’t give in to baby talk

Your coworker is driving you nuts with all the nonstop talk about her pregnancy — oh, and the constant rubbing of her belly? Yeah. Change the subject. Same goes if hanging out with your girlfriends suddenly seems like mommy and me time. Ask your friends if you can talk about other topics when you’re getting together, or just think of three or four things to bring up to get the conversation moving in another direction.

Join a community

Even if it feels as though you’re the only woman in the world not pregnant or already a mom, there are plenty of other people who are going through the same thing as you. This isn’t TTC, party of one. “It’s important to keep in mind that you’re in very good company,” says Bennett. “Connecting with a group of women in the same situation can be very useful, as long as it’s a group that’s positive. Make sure everyone is supporting each other and not just complaining and bringing each other down.” Not only can the other women help boost your confidence, they can be sounding boards when you’re stressed. They can also help you with fertility info that you may not have known. You can really identify with the other ladies and find a great support system. If you’re scratching your head trying to find places to hang out with other women who are TTC, why not join our awesome Bump community?

Make the most out of your baby-free life

When you do have a baby, you’ll no longer have time to do certain things. So before your life becomes all about diaper changes and feedings, do all the things you’ve been thinking of doing that you won’t be able to do when you’re a mom. “Plan a vacation or short day trip that you couldn’t possibly do if you were pregnant or had a baby,” says Bennett. “Go on a wine tour with your girlfriends. Go zip-lining. Make the most of where you are in your life right now.” When you do become a mom, at least you won’t have any regrets.

Plus more from The Bump:

Worst Things to Say to Someone TTC

Frustrated With Trying to Have a Baby

TTC? How to Stay Sane During the Two-Week Wait

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I’ve been trying to figure out when I’m ovulating so I can get pregnant. Do those ovulation predictor kits really work?

Yes, they do. According to the American Fertility Association to release an egg. And that spells , the best over-the-counter kits measure luteinizing hormone (LH), which can be detected in your pee stream. The presence of LH means that the brain is telling the ovaries j-a-c-k-p-o-t.

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My husband and I are having sex all the time in an attempt to get pregnant. We’re having fun, but not much luck. When should we be having sex to make this happen?

Think of your monthly cycle in two parts: B.O. (before ovulation) and A.O. (after ovulation). You’re most fertile two to three days B.O. and 12 to 24 hours A.O. But, since you can’t pinpoint exactly when ovulation occurs, it's best to build in a little cushion. Sperm can live in your reproductive tract for three days, but your egg only lives 12 to 24 hours A.O. Ideally, then, sperm will be in place to greet the egg as it arrives. That means figuring out when you’re likely to ovulate, and starting the sex romp five or six days prior. Don’t go overboard, though. Limit yourselves to sex every other day, because too much sex can deplete your husband's sperm count.

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Is it bad for my husband to drink while we’re trying to conceive?

Your hubby can't give your baby fetal alcohol syndrome, but there is some evidence alcohol can mess with his sperm. What happens? Well, according to a 1994 study on rats, male alcohol use prior to conception might hurt your chances of getting pregnant or lead to children that are smaller, have compromised immune systems, or are more prone to behavioral or hormonal disturbances. Another rat study links male drinking prior to conception to hyperactive children. On the other hand, we aren’t rats and these studies don't necessarily mean that alcohol has the same effect on humans.

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SIGNS OF OVULATION

I’m trying to conceive and have been monitoring my cycle carefully. I know when I ovulated and I made sure to have plenty of sex around that time. It’s been almost two weeks and I just took a urine test that says I’m not pregnant. Could it be a false negative?

Yes. Wait a couple days, hard as it is, and then try peeing on another stick. Most tests are quite accurate, and claim that they can be used even before you miss your period. The truth is, they may not work until the day your period is due, or even after. The tests are designed to detect the presence of hCG, a hormone the placenta releases after conception. But everyone’s levels vary, and your test might not be sensitive enough to detect the amount of hCG in your system. Or, you may have ovulated a few days later than you thought. You may even have had a faulty or expired test. To decrease the risk of a false negative, test first thing in the morning — your urine will be more concentrated at this time since it's been collecting in your bladder all night long. If it's still negative, hang in there and try again in a few days — this time, you may get the result you’re hoping for!

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