I hate my mom and I miss my dad...
I know this isn't the type of thing you normally share with strangers but I just need to vent....
Long story short my mom is an un-medicated bipolar and alcoholic, been that way my whole life. She's put me through so much in my 27 years it's impossible to recount but I'll put it to you this way: when events occurred that forced me to make the decision to file a restraining order to keep her away from my wedding in 2013 no one even questioned me or blinked an eye. Slowly we let her back into the fold but most recently she started a physical altercation with my brother and made false allegations about him and my SIL to CPS regarding his 4 kids, needless to say he's absolutely done with her now and while I wasn't directly involved this time I made the choice to walk away as well because my soon to be born son does not deserve that chaos in his life. It's a never ending cycle we keep thinking there's an end to but she never ceases to amaze and confound us. It's been about a month since we've cut ties (again...) and today I come home to a package from her. Well actually she addressed it from my father, who died in 2006. I lived alone with him before his passing and was always a daddy's girl so needless to say there's still a huge hole in my heart from his passing. The package contained a bunch of books; she wrote notes in each of them to my son signed from my father...I've been an emotional mess ever since. I'm so angry at her for trying to manipulate me this way and even angrier at myself for allowing it to work. Now I'm sitting here questioning my choices with her and missing my dad terribly 😔 I know it's horrible to say but sometimes I wonder why my dad was the one who had to die instead of her, it would be so much easier if she just wasn't around...
I just want my daddy now and don't even know how to pull myself out of this funk she steered me into 😖 I know I need to try and relax though because I can feel baby getting stressed....
Any words of encouragement and support are greatly appreciated. If you have something negative to say please just move on though, I don't need any help feeling worse and you obviously don't understand the situation....
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