Skeptical

Today I'm 9dpo and I haven't tested yet. But this month my opk had a very strong positive and my bbt had a high rise. We had sex twice that day again the next and the day before that. Everything seems to be going well but I haven't experience implantation bleeding and all my symptoms are the same for my PMDD. I know my chances of being pregnant are very good this month but since my misscarriage in march I just feel like...Idk like me getting pregnant isn't a real thing almost like dreaming about going to Italy one day when you know you're probably not. I think I'm starting to feel depressed. I definitely feel very moody I'm breaking out like a teenager going through puberty my boobs hurt and my bbt has not gone down since ovulation it keeps rising then drops very slightly. I'm just confused I wanna believe that I could pregnant I just don't feel like it can happen to me. I barley kept mine for 7 weeks and never had the chance for it to feel real. Even though it hurt me more than anything ever has....

Thank you if you read I'm just rambling I guess..