We have custody of my 9 year old stepdaughter and we have a 2 year old (almost 3) daughter together. When we had our first one we have boundaries on how much she helped because I don't feel like a child should be helping me take care of my other child (diaper changes, rocking to sleep and so on). She would feed her sometimes because she really wanted too but I mostly breastfed so it was rare and more for bonding. Anywho, her mom had a baby the summer after us and she wasn't there more than a week to meet him. But everytime she visits (only twice a year really since she's in another state) she's asked to do so much! She gets told to wake up with the baby and rock him or feed him, change him and is always asked to hold him. So now with our new baby coming in 2 days she thinks she is going to do the same things. I was explaining to her today I want to clean the house tomorrow really well so we're going to stay home and she can play while I clean since next time we're home her new brother will be here and I'll have a hard time getting a ton of stuff done. Well she says I can help and hold the baby and feed him and clean and help. I LOVE that she wants to help, but how she says it it's like she's expected too. I just ask she cleans up after herself. She gets overbearing with our daughter and try's to parent her even when I'm already dealing with whatever issue my daughter is causing. It makes me crazy like I'm not allowed to be the mom! Because honestly her mom is more of a friend and let's her do whatever and it's easier on her mom to let her take care of her baby than have to deal with it herself (she's personally told me this!). How do I explain to a 9 year old without being to harsh or bad mouthing her mom when we say she just can't parent her siblings even though her mom pushes for it?