Very long, unrelated to anything. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry this isn't TTC or period related. It's not even controversial. If it has to be deleted, I understand. I just needed to get this out of me...
My dad, who quit smoking over 20 years ago, has just been diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. No one saw it coming. He didn't even have a cough.
He's been having pain in his hip that doctors thought was arthritic in nature... It turned out to be cancerous lesions. From there, they found an avocado sized tumor in his left lung. Squamous cell carcinoma. He was diagnosed Memorial Day. In the past two months, he's gone from robust, wisecracking, fastidiously neat and well-groomed (doesn't even own a pair of jeans, only wears slacks), to a skinny, pale, weak, exhausted and bedbound shadow that barely has energy to eat, can barely sit up by himself.
Now he can't walk at all- having had so much cancer in the hip that they did surgery on Tuesday to put a rod in to keep it from falling apart. They had to put the pin in before radiation because it's more cancer than bone, and the cancer is all that was holding it together. My mother is losing her best friend. They've been together 43 years, married for 37. She's been camped at the hospital with him, afraid to leave his side. He's only been home three days in the past few weeks. He's had multiple transfusions and fevers and he's confused most of the time, partly from the pain meds.
I feel like my dad is already gone. Like it's just a stranger that we are watching die. Most of the time I am completely unemotional about it, I suppose my brain's way of protecting me. But right now, that emotional block is letting bits of feelings through.
He will never be a grandfather.
My mother will never be the same.
When does it stop feeling like a dream?
Comment
Add Comment
Let's Glow!
Achieve your health goals from period to parenting.
