Should I tell him? (Military experience wanted)

Question

Would you tell someone who was *just a hook up* that you're now expecting?

I hooked up with a newly divorced/separated army guy in Fayetteville since May. I've been terrified to tell him, due to his mental situation of dealing with PTSD from Afghanistan and still working 24 hour shifts on base (props to everyone that does this).

One night he took his Lunesta for sleep, woke up and (to me) seemed viable. I later found out he had no memory of it. We had sex and he was saying his fantasy of getting me pregnant and having his baby, he asked me "tell me you want me to get you pregnant", I did, and I'm sure that is the night we conceived because I was ovulating, and I told him earlier that day the first time we had sex that day/night.

He disappeared for a while, he didn't even log onto Tinder for over a week. He said he just was disinterested in sex and talking to anybody.

He became active again, and actively talking to me again. He is into extreme sexual adventures that I had doubts I could provide for him, so I assume he found someone else. I also tested positive for Chalmydia after hooking up with him a few times after two visits to Fayetteville/Cameron.

Mid-sexual conversation today, he drops how I'm "too attached", and he is "getting out of the army and moving back to California on the 20th". I've never heard of such a quick release, but okay. He said our fling was over and he didn't want to see me again. All of this after an hour of talking about how he wants me to do one of his fantasies to him, as we have been since April/may.

He has two sons already, and (by what he told me a few months ago) his (ex) wife took the kids back to Sacramento where they are from. I knew our fling was just a hook up, I knew I -should- have protected myself for more reasons than one.....

But I am terrified.... I am terrified of the small things he has been open about to me. Since we were just as a hookup, I didn't ask much about his mental state. I let him talk when he wanted to express things to me. I am scared to death of what would happen if I tell him I'm pregnant.... I've told my friends I don't even want to tell him, and everyone brings up morals and ethics, and how it isn't right to never tell him of another child, and "if I had a child out there I would want to know".

I just don't want him to be so stressed and angry that he would commit suicide, seeing as he has PTSD and is already dealing with a divorce and has two young sons already, all the way in California. Unless his mid-conversation "I'm done with you" was because the ex wife is coming back.

What should I do? I can live life without him, but are my friends right? Is it wrong to never tell him about this???

*******EDIT TO ADD: the first thing he said was, he is from California and said he was temporary, but we were in an emotional surrogacy if you will. He missed treating a woman and having a woman around (I assume this is where the Lunesta induced "let me get you pregnant" came from) and we acted like a relationship, but knew it wasn't on these terms. I know he will leave Fayetteville one day, but it kinda hurts how I've been carefully planning to see how to tell him I'm pregnant--- when today he just drops (mid sexting) "you're too attached, we're done" out of NO WHERE. When I say I want NOTHING to do with him, I mean that. I don't want him to know, I don't want him getting comfy little updates in California, nothing.

Answer

As the wife of an ex soldier with PTSD, please know that while it is a huge part of them it doesn't define them. Regardless he should know that he will have another child in this world and he can do what he chooses with that information.

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I still think you should tell him, because he is the father. You can be open and honest and say you don't expect anything. But then please please dont go and turn around asking him for money and such if you don't want him involved.

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I would tell him but if you don't want to raise the baby with him then don't. I got pregnant with one of my friends who was in the military and told him that I am pregnant with his kid and I didn't want his help. If he wants to see it then that's fine but I won't ask him for money, health care, etc. I ended up losing the baby but he was okay with the whole situation. Most guys are fine with just knowing that they have a kid and getting just updates and pictures if that's truly what the mother wants and thinks is best for the baby. In the end it's your baby and you got to do everything you can to protect it.

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Personally, I don't think it's fair to bring a baby in to this situation. Take from that what you will, but it's my honest opinion. If you move forward with this, you must tell him. You cannot expect to keep a child from their father or their half brothers- sooner or later it will all come out and the worst thing that could happen is if he hears it from someone else. Good luck.

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My husband is a veteran with PTSD and an ex wife, so I understand some of your situation. If it were me, I'd tell him because he may want to be involved. I wouldn't pressure him to be involved but I'd tell him it's his choice.

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From this story I'm not sure you should tell him. That's 18 years with him. Idk

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Tell him

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He gave you chlamydia, he can step up and handle having another baby in the world.  No one says he has to be involved, but he still has responsibilities to take care of.

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If you choose to continue this pregnancy then I think you owe it to him to tell him.

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I would tell him, and make it perfectly clear that you'd rather he not be involved.