Does it make me controlling?

Question

I just found out that my ex (who still lives at home with his parents) had his parents buy him nursery items. Complete bedding set, stroller and car seat. Does it make me look bad or controlling to ask his to run it by me first since I'm so worried about the safety of certain items? For example he got the quilted crib bumper and I am against those and opting for the mesh kind since its breathable. Could I ask him to return it and get the kind I'm comfortable with??

Answer

I would definitely say something about the crib bumper! But with the car seat, those are all held to the same minimum safety standards and even though some are better than others, I'd let that one go. I would suggest that you both make appointments to get the car seat installation checked by your local fire department. Maybe you could make an appointment for you to both go so he's included in learning how to do it. Approach this stuff carefully and pick your battles. Maybe if you said, "how generous and amazing that you have all of this ready to go! You're so well prepared and that makes me feel really good about the times you'll have the baby. There are a couple of things I've been researching safety-wise, do you think we could talk about the crib bumpers? They're adorable, but it turns out they're actually not really safe at all. Would you mind if we swapped them for these mesh breathable ones instead?" If you sweeten the conversation with the positives, he may be more receptive.

Answer

I would only draw the line at the crib bumper because they're not safe. Everything else has been safety tested in order to be sold. Pick your battles wisely or you'll lose them all.

Answer

If your not together then you really have no say in what he has.

Answer

Honestly, yes it makes you seem controlling. He IS the father, after all. Most of the things on the market today have to pass rigorous tests and it's up to him what he has at his place.

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IMO if you are exs and he will have the child with him there at times. You don't get a say in what he wants to use. I see this happen alot with other couples who dirvorced. Sucks yes but...

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Yes! Do it in a nice way so he doesn't get pissed and keep them out of spite... Its not worth worrying about your baby's safety while he has the baby overnight. Plus, not saying anything will happen with the quilted crib bumper, but IF something were to happen you'd feel more than guilty because you didn't speak up about it. He should understand its for the baby's safety not just out of control.

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You don't have to use it but I think it would come across rude and ungrateful to request that you pre approve all purchases.

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Just try telling him in a nice way that the crib bumpers have been found to be unsafe and maybe offer to replace them with breathable mesh bumpers.

Answer

Just food for thought.... Crib bumpers were used for many many years without being deemed unsafe.  It's only been in the recent years that they have caused problems.  It's like the Bumbo seat being recalled cause a baby fell while in one..... From a table.  Even if it didn't say on it, don't use on tables until after the recall.... Common sense goes a long way.   Everything on the market will be eventually deemed unsafe because it's all in how you use it and if your doing it correctly or not.  I'm 32 years old.  I should technically be dead from all the "unsafe" things my mother used and the "unsafe" ways that I played as a child.

Answer

Ohh no i would not say anything, i would just not use what you dont want..... He is being sweet getting things.... Just be thankfull.... So many dads dont take any resposiblity that i would smile and say thankyou.... :) haah i would not want to piss him off or discourage him from trying.    Thats just me :)

Does it make me controlling?

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