Can I save my marriage?

Question

I'm wondering if anyone has been able to salvage their marriage after a similar situation?  I recently found out my husband hired an escort off the internet and has spent our money to get BJ's from her. (He claims no sex just oral - not that it matters.)  I am very confused as I do love him and our life together. But I do not want to be played for a fool. I am wondering if anyone out there can relate to this disgusting situation. If so, how did you move forward?  How could I ever trust him again?  I kicked him out of our home but I do find that I miss him. We do not have children (we've tried for the past 2 years unsuccessfully). I'm 35 and I worry I may never get to be a mom if I leave him permanently. My head says to get divorced but my heart is disagreeing. We live in the Midwest and I didn't think escorts were really a thing or that this would ever happen to me. Any help here would be hugely appreciated!

Answer

People don't change unless they want to. But be honest, was it really just bj's? If he loved you then why would he need one? Second I'm divorced and pregnant now with my SO. So it's never too late to try again. Ex cheated, lied, and wouldn't grow up!! I'm better off now then I was in the past 9 years. Happy and in love. You do what u have to for yourself. Yes at points you get lonely, it passes. But in order to love another you need to love yourself first. Don't settle for anything less then you deserve

Answer

I am sorry you are going through this. I am always a big proponent for counseling. Perhaps therapy can get to the reason he felt the need to hire an escort and help him speak to you and help you move past mistrust.

Not that I love quoting sex and the city, but since it happened in the movie: you can never trust he won't cheat again. And he can never trust you won't ask him to move out again. You both have to decide to forgive and move forward knowing trust is broken, or leave the relationship permanently

Answer

This is tough. I don't think I could truly forgive my husband if he did that to me nor would I ever trust him again. So from my perspective and if I were you, I would probably end up divorcing him. My husband and I have agreed that cheating would be the ultimate betrayal and it would be the only thing that would ruin our relationship. I wish you all the best and I hope you can work it out if you really want to.

Answer

Well my husband and I believe if it is even texting or typing it is cheating. That being said we would get a divorce. Why? Because we both hold grudges. So if you can truly forgive him and never bring up is mistake and honestly move on then I say stick it out. Have you or him gotten tested to see what is preventing you from conciving?

Answer

The big question is, could you ever trust him again? I went through cheating with my ex-fiancé and I tried,but I found no matter how much I loved him I couldn't trust him. I didn't want to live my life out questioning his every action, or worrying about what he was doing when I wasn't there. So I walked away. It's really only something you can decide. And please don't just stay for the want of kids. (Also, I recommend that you get tested for any and all sti/stds. You can never be too safe). Hope whatever your decision is, that you find happiness 😀

Answer

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. That is an awful thing to go through... Honestly, no one here can tell you what to do. Whether or not you decide to take him back is your choice. Maybe you should take sometime and think it through before you reach out to him.

Good luck

Answer

From my experience you can't make another persons choices for them. My ex refused help, refused to change, and i needed to be happy. My dr said "you have to make youself a priority in this life because no one else is going to." If you can trust him and he is willing to try then by all means stay. If not, then do what makes you happy. It's a decision only you can make.

Answer

I know this is off the charts but ask him what made him spend money on her what made her bjs different from urs look at porn get tips of how to do different things with ur mouth n hand try it on him ummm tell him straight up that u n him need to talk bc its neither he stops doing what he does or y'all get a divorce. I cheated on my husband it was a mistake n he asked in detail what went down n he forgave me n we never looked back now we r great

Can I save my marriage?

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