I dated a guy for a little while when I was 15. Honestly, he was great. He was honest, didn't try to force me to have sex or push the issue, he talked to me, etc. yes, he had his own issues, but no one is 100% perfect, but he was perfect to me. For some reason, I broke up with him though. I started dating a guy later one and dated for quite some time before I decided that being forced to be sexual wasn't my forte.. I dated another guy for a couple months before he wound up smothering me (not literally) to death. I could eat dinner without getting 20 text asking why I hadn't texted him back (and I'm not kidding) plus he was trying to go after my best friend. So. I wound up getting with another guy whom is now my fiancé and daughters father. I thought he was perfect, at first... Turns out it was all lies pretty much. He's lied to me more than the governments lied to America and more than parents have said "the tooth fairy came and got your tooth". So now let me explain mine and his relationship. He goes to work, comes home, showers and I make him breakfast, he eats, tells me what time to wake him up, gets pissy if I wake him up on time. (He always gets shitty if I wake him up. No matter if it's when he said or I let him sleep for 10 hours. He doesn't say anything. But his tone and actions-it's obvious. Okay, there's times where he will complain that I don't let him sleep long enough even though he gets AT LEAST 7 hours of sleep a day by the way, our daughter is 3 months.) then when he finally gets up out of bed an hour later, he doesn't help with our daughter and gets pissy if I ask him to watch her for 10 minutes so I can shower or make her a bottle or to even feed her. And the times he does willingly play with her or interact with her, it's at most 10 minutes before he's done with her. He won't talk anything out with me. He just sits there or he tried to go to sleep... He is always trying to have sex even though he knows it hurts really bad to the point I'm in tears (I tore very bad and had to get 3 layers of stitches..) he just doesn't seem to care any more and doesn't want to spend time with our daughter or me.. I know I'm not perfect.. But I try. I try to work things out just to get ignored. I try to spend time with him just for him I get pissy, complain, and be on his phone the whole time. I take care of our daughter every night by myself and all day long. I don't talk to anyone because most of my friends were guys and he doesn't want me talking to any guys.. The only one I continued talking to was my best friend, Austin. He came over to say bye last Saturday before he moved down to Florida and completely saw everything I'd been telling him.. He was over for almost 2 hours before my fiancé even got out of bed... I make his food, his drinks, do his laundry, clean, take care of our daughter, everything.. Very very rarely will he do anything.. I'm not happy with him anymore. I haven't been for what seems like forever.. But I try to work things out for our daughter...Now, to make things more confusing, I started talking to my ex from when I was 15, Trey. It started out I messaged him saying congrats and stuff because he just graduated basic training and was going to AIT. Well, we started talking about the military because I've wanted to join since I was literally 5.. Then we started talking more.. And I realized why he has constantly been on my mind since I first met him (even while dating the other guys.. I've thought about him way too much for my own good...), I still have feelings for him.. He still has my heart.. I feel terrible for even admitting it, but I can't help it.. Trust me, I've tried to stop thinking about him and it only makes me think about him more. I can't help my feelings.. Trey has admitted to me that he still loves me, and has this whole time... And I think I still love him, but I don't know.. I won't let myself fully admit anything because I feel god fucking awful for saying it. But I can't help it.. I just don't know what to do... I'm trying to get a job to be able to raise my daughter financially, but I'm a SAHM right now and it's hard to get a job that I can raise her off of.. Plus I only have my permit because no one would take me to get it and I didn't have anything for proof of address or my birth certificate.. I just.. I don't know what to do... Should I continue trying to work things out with my fiancé so my daughter will have both of her parents together? Or try to love on my own with her and see how things go with my ex? Or what? I just don't know what to do... Also, I've tried breaking up with my fiancé before, and he's threatened suicide...
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