We lost our daughter in December, due to she was born at 20 weeks(yes she was actually born. Not a miscarriage not a still birth) and passed away after 4.5 hours with us. Drs have no idea what went wrong or how any of it happened. At 15 weeks I started cramping and spotting and figured it was just round ligament pain, what could go wrong? Well a few weeks past and it wasn't any better so I go to the er and they diagnose it as a uti. They also mention I have a short cervix. So they give me antibiotics I have a follow up appointment and everything is okay. At 18 weeks, I find out I'm having a baby girl, measurements are fine, heart rate is perfect, she's as perfect as could be. Just a week later, I wake up bleeding extremely bad. I start freaking out, call my best friend to come watch my step kids, call my mom and she takes me to the er where I am admitted. The dr said I had a ruptured membrane, very low amniotic fluid so they hook me up and get me settled into a room, they order an ultra sound and everything looks fine besides the fluid. I'm in the hospital for 2 days, and I wake up in the middle of the night on that third night in excruciating pain, vomiting, diarrhea, etc. the burs has me attempt to take some Tylenol which I never got down. My daughter was born that night. She had a beating heart and she looked perfect as can be. She was in our arms her whole short life. She was everything I had ever wanted. And she was just ripped away from me like that. By my six week check up I thought I was ready to start trying again. It took us 6 months, but we are now expecting another baby. I'm 6 weeks today and I just don't know how I feel. I'm excited, beyond excited. But I'm more nervous and scared than anything. I count down the days until I'm in the miscarriage safety zone. Counting down the days until I'm 15 weeks, 20 weeks, when everything with our little girl happened. Not only that, but I still have to live through the day I found out I was pregnant with our baby girl. The day I had my first dr appointment, heard her heart beat for the first and last times, the day I found out she was a girl. I'm beyond terrified something will happen again. And I'm not sure how I will deal with it. All I have ever wanted was a family of my own and I feel like I will never get that.