No judgement please

So I had a near death experience about a month ago and since then I have been having a really hard time and it's not making sense to me. I'm fearing things that not in my control. I fear the world ending I see people post about things and even though I see these things every year they are really getting to me this time. I have 3 kids and I want another but I'm really freaked out about bringing another baby into the world. I've talked to a friend about this and she pointed out that it probably doesn't help that my job is helping people pass on. I've read my bible and I try to comfort myself because I know Jesus is supposed to return first. I've been praying to but honestly I feel alone, I tell myself something is blocking me from him. I don't know what to do anymore I'm tired of worrying about it I just want to be happy and enjoy my life. Sorry so long....