It gets better... When?

Question

It's been a month since my miscarriage and there have been good days and bad days. Today is a bad day. Those of you who have been through it and feel like you're "on the other side"... when do you start feeling like a normal person again? When do you stop hating yourself, your partner, and everyone around you? I'm just wondering because I feel like I'm doing my best but then days like today I just hate my life. I'm tired of enduring.

Answer

It took me about a month or two to stop being able to cry on command. For the first couple weeks, Everytime I saw my fiancés face I would started bawling. He triggered me worse than most things. Luckily, he was there for me the whole time. Every night for weeks I would lay my head on his chest and cry myself to sleep. He would rub my hair and kiss my forehead without saying a word because he knew there was nothing he could say. He just let me cry. I think the most important thing is to be able to mourn to the fullest, as much as you need to, however long you need to. You'll wake up one day and realize that the knot in the back of your throat isn't as tight and that you're ready to try again. My miscarriage was back in May, so it's still pretty fresh. But I'm stronger now, and I assure you that you will be too.

Answer

There is no normal. You just have to ride the waves and know you aren't alone. We were the opposite of most couples. My first pregnancy made me absolutely hate my husband, but when we lost her at 11 weeks, it brought us so close together. We grieved together and reconnected in a way I was scared we never would. This pregnancy (I'm 12 weeks) I still haven't touched him and I have a negative physical reaction to any touch/affection, but I don't hate him. I'm nowhere near as annoyed by him or cranky towards him like I was with our first pregnancy. As hard as it is, just try not to push your partner away. It's normal to be angry and to isolate yourself, but try to remember you're in this together. I'm so sorry for your loss. I highly recommend the book Mother of all Mothers. It's a nightstand/coffee table book of beautiful art and quotes for when you're hating yourself and missing that baby.

Answer

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's different for everybody. In the meantime, just try to be gentle with yourself and your husband. One moment at a time.

Answer

It takes a long time. And I've learned that no one can say anything or do anything to help. I've been through 2 myself and it's rough. I had nights where I'd just cry hysterically while my husband held me and then I'd have days where I was ok. I can't say when it'll get better or when you'll be able to move forward. But let yourself be angry, hurt, and what have you.. Let it out so you can heal. Don't hold it in. I'm sorry you're having to experience this. Sending baby dust your way! Don't lose hope!

Answer

I had my second miscarriage and third loss (I experienced a molar pregnancy in between miscarriages) on August 2nd and the truth is it never gets easy and pregnancy will be scary for you. That doesn't mean it won't get better though :) I think about my losses often and after my molar, my husband and I decided to wait almost two years to try again because I wanted to be completely ready for whatever would happen. I waited until I knew I could handle another loss (which I did) and wouldn't struggle with as much fear during the pregnancy. With my first loss I feel like the struggle was very difficult because I did not talk about my feelings or fears with much honesty and it was hard to deal with "alone". After my molar I opened up a lot and really addressed my fears and anger and found there was a lot of comfort in that openness. My husband, my mother and my sister have been tremendous supporters for me and have shown me major love and support. Turn to those you love for whatever you need. The hardest part is accepting what you cannot control. Coming to terms with your loss and the reality that it wasn't meant to be can feel impossible, but when you do- it helps. Whenever I get very sad and wonder "why me?" I try to remember that most losses are result of natural selection and I have to trust my body. It will always be hard, but acceptance and understanding can give you peace. Good luck!

Answer

After my first miscarriage in February which was a d&c at 10 weeks - baby stopped growing at 8 I was in shock and not really sure what to feel. So I was really cool about it when people asked and never acted sad. It was only when I was by myself like in the shower that I would really cry about it. And then after 3 months we were ready to try again. I got a positive pregnancy test and worked out I was 5 weeks. 3 days after I took the test I started to miscarry naturally. This was only 3 weeks ago. I took the week off work and I cried for 4 days straight. No matter who I spoke to or what I did I just cried and cried and cried. To the point of sobbing that I was almost sick. And now 3 weeks on I'm completely fine. Yes I do get some sad waves every now and again but nothing like before. I truly feel that getting that grief out and dealing with it properly helped. I also think that seeing it happen helped me deal with. Going into surgery to have it removed didn't let me see what was happening - as weird as that sounds. We are now ready to try again and just praying for 3rd time lucky. Of course I am absolutely terrified but it's completely normal. 
So I think everyone is different when it comes to "getting better"
Talk about it as much as you need to and do what makes you feel better. If it means crying then do it. If it means exercising then do it. It doesn't get better it just gets a bit easier. Sending love and baby dust for when you are ready again.

Answer

My miscarriage was right around the same time as yours. It has not been easy.  I have okay days and I have low days. My two best friends and my sister-in-law are pregnant.. All due around when I was.

It's very hard but the best advice I can give you is to talk about it. Tell people the truth about how you're feeling. I felt so isolated and alone right after it because I didn't tell many people about the pregnancy. Sometimes I have low moments but they become less frequent. I'm learning I won't get over it, but I can try to move through it. One day when we have our babies we will feel more at peace. That's what I'm trying to look forward to.  I am sending you a big hug.

Answer

*hugs to you* Each woman is different and there is no set time table. It would be easier if we had some sort of guidelines but we're left to figure out and cope with a very personal loss. I've had 4 miscarriages that I know about. That doesn't include the weird heavy super-crampy periods.  I could go from mad to sad to numb and full circle several times a day. I felt like I was losing my mind. The mind and body must heal. Hormones are trying to stabilize from an endocrine rollercoaster. For me, distraction was healing. I kept taking my prenatals because I felt like I was doing something. I logged everyday on Glow. I had my CB digital opk ready for the next cycle. Much of the time, I had to pretend that everything was okay when it was anything but. And I will never do that to myself again. If my grief made others uncomfortable, they are no longer part of my circle. Be kind to you. Give yourself time.  Time doesn't erase, but it does soften things eventually. ♡

Answer

I'm very sorry. It takes time and I'll tell you it's not something I think I'll ever get over. But I've learned to heal the best I can and moved forward instead of dwelling on it. It's difficult and I'm welling up with tears just thinking about it. It'll get better with time though. BIG hugs!

Answer

No one can tell you when it will get better. Everyone is different and entitled to their own feelings and process. Express yourself and how you feel to your partner and whoever you go to for support. Don't lose yourself and forget about what else used to make you happy. I'm still working on finding happiness again too. It's even more difficult because I was out of work while pregnant and was very sick. So now I'm searching for a new job and more purpose. 
Today marks the second week since I said goodbye to my peanut by D&C. I don't cry as much but things still remind me or dig at me to make me sad. 
One of my childhood friends delivered her healthy baby boy on the same day. Seeing her with her boy makes me sad and I am also happy for her too. But I dare not tell her we share the same "delivery" date. (We aren't super close) 
My husband and I are doing fine as a couple I suppose. But he is struggling in his career and we both are unhappy with where we live and our living and financial situation. He doesn't say it, but I imagine he's still sad about losing the baby too.  He just tries to be the strong provider. 
Hold on to each other and be supportive of each other. 
This community of wonderful women are all amazing and take comfort in knowing that many of us know what you are going through to a degree. 
Hugs to you.

It gets better... When?

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