Just a rant. A very angry, upset rant.
So, I think I've finally given up on our sex life. We've made love once this month, and even then he rushed it and I didn't even get to finish. I've tried dropping hints, I've tried making a move, I've tried telling him that I want him... I get nothing. I feel ugly and I feel worthless. He doesn't even sit next to me on the couch anymore. I don't know what's changed. It's not like he's lost the want... He sorta himself out in the bathroom at least twice a week. So it's gotta be something wrong with me. And when this happened last time he had an affair. It's not like I don't try. I do everything I can to maintain my appearance, even though it's hard when you have no motivation and you're stuck indoors all day with no social life and can't get a job because he can't be bothered to fill the rest of the paperwork for my visa. What's worse is my mum has just been diagnosed with cancer and I can't even go back to England to see her because I won't be allowed back into the states without my visa. I don't know what the hell to do and I'm so angry with everything that I'm currently sat in the spare room in tears. There's nothing more I can do. He's the one not making an effort. It doesn't even feel like a freakin marriage anymore. It's more like I'm just a thing that lives in his apartment and does all the chores, cleaning up after him and taking care of his kids whilst he goes to work, has dinner at his mom's, hangs with friends and f*cks other women in the back of his car.
He can be absolutely amazing, and the sweetest man in the world. But it lasts only a few days, then he goes back to being an asshole who expects too much from me. He shouted at me last night because I wasn't walking fast enough to go to the bathroom Ffs! And he didn't even need to go! Then he dropped something of his and blamed me because I was watching tv and talking on here. I think he's given up on our marriage. All he talks about is his Lego, buying more Lego, building it all, taking pics, taking them apart, storing them, blah blah blah... Never about us. We don't even go out on dates anymore because he would rather buy Lego and storage cases. I don't get anything. He says it's 'our money,' yet I don't see a penny, I don't get gifts, a date, a drink, takeout... I haven't had a freakin haircut for 5 months!! Yet he'll send his dad who is an alcoholic and drug addict, $90 a week even though he knows it's going on drugs and drink, he buys for things for his mom even though she doesn't need them. Yet he acts up if I ask him for a little money so I can fill my prescriptions.
I've been told by friends that this is abuse. But is it abide if he's like 2 different people? One minute he's wonderful, caring and sweet, and the next he's a complete douchebag. I have a background in psychology from when I worked in the ER, but he's so difficult to read.
I guess I'm just asking for advice on what I can do to get him to see things from my side, and to maybe finally get psychiatric help. I've run out of ideas.
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