I had a miscarriage in early July. I had a D&E, my cycles have been here every month since and on time.

A week after my procedure one of my best friends found out that she's pregnant. I was devastated.

I gathered myself together and focused on myself, our marriage and my 5 year old son. I really thought I was better. Happy.

I guess I was wrong. I've been so moody and sad lately. Everything bothers me. I've been super hard on myself, putting myself down. I'm tired all the time.

I'm angry. My friend didn't want to be pregnant. She's not excited about it, or doesn't act excited when she's around me. She never talks about her pregnancy. Her boyfriend was mad, didn't want another baby. In general not happy about the situation they're in. Everyone is pregnant.

Women, girls, come into my work all time with their pregnant bellies. And all I can think is that should be me. I get mad. I'm sad, so sad. I track everything, I did everything right. Why? Why do I lose my pregnancy? Why can I not get pregnant?

So many emotions, and I'm tired. I'm tired of tracking, testing, obsessing, thinking, daydreaming. I cannot do this anymore. I give up. I'm done trying.