Suicide

Like im just so tired of life. No self pity or anything. Right when I think things can't get worse things find a way of getting way worse. I have people who say they're there for me to talk but they're all going through things too;death,illnesses,addiction,the law ect. I usually party or rip a bong to feel better but I don't even want to do that anymore. I want to die but I don't even feel like getting up to actually do it. Plus I'm getting help in a few days. My dad won't take me to a mental hospital cause he is still paying off my bill from the last time and said he won't let me go. If I do go it will ruin my only way to success-job corps. What should I do