This is a sensitive topic for me...for any mom probably. But I have a fear and it's killing me. I am diagnosed bipolar (and no, not one of the millions who are misdiagnosed because their menstual cycle is out of control) a real case. This disease, among many other symptoms, comes with a huge price to pay and one of those costs is one's emotions. They're either too extreme in either direction or they're essentially gone. Right now, nothing can make me sad. But nothing can make me happy. It's agonizing. I am 22 weeks pregnant. I have a wonderful man whom I can't show my love to- because if I can't feel, I can't love. It affects him as it would anyone, it's heartbreaking. But I am cold and distant and it's so much easier to be alone than try to manage my illness as well as its affects on him. It probably sounds selfish but it's important to understand that I am not able to function like a normal woman, especially not while pregnant. I am still medicated because the risk of birth defects is by far lower than the risk of my ending up in inpatient care in a hospital again. But the hormones overpower the pills and we all still suffer. My fear is that when Beau comes into the world in 16 weeks, what if I still can't feel? What if I don't love my baby? What if my partner can't deal with the emotional barrier anymore and leave?