Last Monday I had a scan at 10+5 and was told my baby had stopped developing around 6+2 and that I was having a delayed miscarriage. After the scan I saw a midwife. She gave me a leaflet that explained a bit about miscarriages and recited some of the information in it while looking away from me the whole time. Without explaining the options available she asked 'what do you want to do now?' I asked about options and she told me a procedure called an MVA (like a d&c but using suction and only a local anaesthetic) was available and she could book it for a few days time. I didn't like the sound of the procedure so said I didn't want that and asked about other options, including letting it happen naturally. She replied 'you can wait and see if it happens, natural is probably best, if you change your mind and want to book the MVA call us' then gave me a leaflet about the MVA and ushered us out of the room. I found her insensitive and cold and felt like she was uncomfortable talking to me and just wanted to get rid of me.

When I got home I did some reading about treatment options available on the NHS and found that there were other treatments available including medical management and a surgical procedure called an ERPC. I called the hospital back the next day and spoke to the same midwife again. I said that I wanted to talk about options, including medical management and the ERPC. She told me again that I could be booked in for the MVA but if I wanted any other treatment I'd have to go to a different hospital. I told her I didn't want the MVA (again) so would contact the other hospital.

I went to the other hospital where I received very good care. The consultant there advised that the ERPC was probably the best option and that I wasn't a good candidate for MVA because I have a condition called didelphys which would make it difficult. I was also told that the ERPC is available at the first hospital and they didn't understand why the option hadn't been mentioned there.

Fast forward to today (i had the ERPC last Friday), and I've arrived home to find a letter from the first hospital saying that I've been booked in for the MVA on the 25th - I called and was told it had been booked by the first midwife. I'm really angry that this woman clearly didn't listen to me at all - she couldn't be bothered to take the time to speak to me about options and the pros/cons of each and just seemed to want to push me into the MVA to the point that she went ahead and booked it without my consent and after I specifically said I didn't want it on two occasions. Not to mention that according to the surgeon the MVA wasn't even advisable for me.

So now I'm debating whether I should make a complaint to the hospital about the care I had from the midwife. I don't know how much of my upset and anger is justified or if I'm overreacting and hormonal and should just let it go.

What do you think??

Lost baby

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