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Is there any meaning behind why i do this

when i wait on my hubby to go out so i can watch porn and take out a toy?

I can never cum when we have sex. Thats not to say i dont enjoy it, hes very well endowed and it feels amazing but i just CANT relax so i have to pretend to cum. Could this possibly linked to sexual assault? the fact that i cant relax enough to cum......?

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