Thank You Lifetime for making me hate myself and my body even more today.

Thank You for saying that women's bodies know how to get and stay pregnant.

That a woman's body knows what to do. How to create and deliver a child that has grown in her.. that she has nurtured from inside her womb.

Thank You for making me feel as if there is "obviously" something wrong with my body because mine hasnt figured it out yet and for telling me about how, because of my age, my time is running out and if it does happen how "high risk" I will be.

Bitches. . Do you not think I know that? Do you not think that every month that goes by and my cycle comes I get more and more discouraged?

When I have people look at me and think, "She is selfish" or say "Why dont you like children" or, my personal favorite "You cant really understand love until you have a child".

My husband and I have been medically checked out and deemed fine.. it just is not happening for us. We continue to try but at what point are we to give up? Its been the better part of a decade with not even a faint positive.

Do you think I dont blame myself? Do you think I dont cry EVERY MONTH wondering what is wrong with me? Why cant I get pregnant? What is it about me that God has deemed as unfit as to not allow me the ONE THING I have wanted more than anything in my life?

F You Lifetime.. and I hope that if anyone, ANYONE who is reading this that has ever questioned why someone doesn't have children.. that you think before you speak.

To those of you who are in the same kind of shitty boat that I am.. You are not alone and I hope you do not end up being a bitter person like I am most likely going to end up to be.

End Rant *mic drop*