Hope & The Future

Hey ladies! I'm really happy because today I finished my application for disability. I have struggled with Depression/Bipolar, Anxiety, PTSD, OCD, Severe Migraines, and FINALLY the doctors found out what was wrong with my stomach. I have something called Barretts Esophagus which I also tested positive for it being precancerous due to my "Indeterminate Irritable Bowel Disease" (what she called it because she couldnt make a decision for either Crohns or Colitis because I have characteristics of both.) all my life. I am finally on the right medications. Thank God. I know many people will stop at the first part where I wrote "APPLIED FOR DISABILITY" because its such a huge topic for everyone. Its not right that some people abuse the system when others who like myself really need it. YES I am a Mom. YES my Fiance and I are trying for baby #2. YES I have mental health issues. YES I am aware of the stress it is having a child. YES I know all of the things people are telling me. BUT I also KNOW not think KNOW I am able to be a mother. People will always say what they will but in the end they dont know your story. They dont know your life. They have not had the unfortunate ability to have the same done to them. EVEN IF someone goes through the same thing it can also be TOTALLY DIFFERENT. I lost both my parents. I have a brother abd a sister. My brother and I lived with our Mom and Dad until I was 3. The abuse that I not my brother at all only me had done to me the things I had to do for a three year old you wouldnt be able to believe. Both of my parents had addiction problems. As do I. But I manage mine in a healthy safe way. They couldnt. I lost my dad when I was 12 and my mommy when I was 19. Losing my mother who growing up until I was 18 I could only see her once a year for 2 hours supervised. Almost always at a mcdonalds. She developed HPV and that developed into cancer. She had finifhed chemo and had been goung to the clinic everyday and cutting back on her drinking (at least when I was there to take care of her) she finally had her own apartment. Everything was going up. Until one day she just had a brain Hemorrhage during her sleep one night took every part of what I had been holding on for. UNTIL I became surprisingly expectant with my daughter. SHE saved my life. And i turned my life around as soon as i found out i was pregnant. Its still an iphill battle everyday but my LIFE is worth every stupid remark or joke towards it because I KNOW NOW im a SURVIVOR not a VICTIM.

Sorry for it being Long, i havent had anyone to talk to for a little while.