This whole TTC / miscarriage / chemical pregancy thing I think has officially rotted my brain and made me crazy. I want to start a family so bad. This summer I had two early miscarriages. I started dreading going to the bathroom because the spotting never seemed to stop then would eventually take a turn for the worse. I'm pregnant again. Super early, only 4w1d and yesterday doc put me on progesterone. At first I was relieved, finally something that may help me. But of course it's a suppository so it's expensive and it's kinda embarrassing. I'm a bit of a prude and not comfortable with most things happening with my vagina. Took my suppository for the first time last night by and this morning after I get up I start leaking this disgusting oily residue from the pills. I swear my vagina is out to get me. Whether it's blood or medicine I swear it never gets easier. I wish I could just crawl In a hole and wait for this all to be over. I don't feel comfortable with all the magic surprises my vagina likes to treat me to. I'm starting to get major anxiety over the fact that it's my third pregancy and i hope it goes well. My stupid vagina isn't helping. I feel stupid and crazy and so alone. I hope this pregancy sticks and I have a healthy baby. I hope it's a boy because I would never wish a vagina on anybody. Aaarrrrgg. Sorry. Just needed to vent. My husband doesn't need to hear about all this disgusting shit going on with my bits and I'm feeling so lost and gross. And crazy.