I think I'm in denial

Emily • I`m 38 TTC#1. I have 3 cysts on my left ovary, a blocked left tube (hydrosalpinx), a blocked right tube and polops on my uterus. Starting round 1 of ivf in Feb/March 2022.
My AF was supposed to come yesterday. I took a test on Wednesday and got a BFN. She still has not shown and I'm NEVER LATE. I keep thinking about every other reason she could be late except for that I may be pregnant. I've been trying for over a year so I guess I'm in denial a little bit. Even though I'm late and 13 dpo now, I'm still absolutely horrified to test. I'm way more relaxed this cycle than last. But I have been eating like crap and gaining some weight. Maybe this is why I'm late but I don't think so because I always lose and gain weight and stay regular. To test or not to test... UGH😕