Should I give up or continue to fight?
My boyfriend & I have been together 9 years. We have 2 children (6 & 7) & have seriously discussed having a 3rd. But our relationship is far from perfect & I'm to the point where I think maybe it's time to throw in the towel. I don't know if we've just hit a rough patch or it's time to give up but I'm so confused!!!
All couples have issues. Ours unfortunately also involves addiction which adds a whole new layer of stress. I've debated on leaving him until he stops but A-I'm not going to leave the love of my life whens he's clearly struggling & B-if we get into a fight & I leave, it makes him use MORE! He will not go to rehab or counseling or anything along those lines. I sometimes think he's just in denial because hes "a responsible crackhead"....yeah I couldn't believe it when he said that to me. Pretty much because he works and hes still good looking it's all good. He doesn't fit the "crackhead" stereotype.
I haven't worked since I was pregnant with my first baby & he's 7 now. And it's not for lack of trying- I put in at least one application a day. Money is a huge issue with us. He makes good money & obviously if he didn't have an addiction we would be in a better position than we're in (for example we live with another couple & their 3 kids...now my bf is 37 & I'm 32...we should have our own place). But he gets on me about not working like he DOESN'T make good money. I fall in ruts here & there & I get pretty depressed. I'm not diagnosed with anything nor do I take medication for it but we both agree if I had a job I'm less likely to get depressed. And extra money always helps of course. I didn't go to college & all my previous jobs were in customer service so chances are I'm not even going to be bringing in that much money...but money is money. And I'm not the type of girl that asks for new clothes all the time & stuff like that. I'm very low matience. So when I DO need something or ask for something I don't expect him to give me a hard time. Sometimes it's no problem & he will get it but there are times he flat out says "no- get a job". It really hurts my feelings because anytime I make money cleaning a friends house or baby sitting, I ENJOY spending my money on him. This situation blows pretty much everyones mind...they always say to me "Crystal you're his girl...you shouldn't even have to ask for $10 to get a cheap haircut...he should just give you money to pamper yourself". You'd think he would want me looking my best considering HE'S THE ONE THAT HAS TO LOOK AT ME lol
My family doesn't not like Tim. Period. When I was pregnant with our son, I still lived at home with my mom and vice versa. I was 15 weeks I think and started getting cramps. I was so scared! I didn't have a license or a vehicle so I called Tim & he wouldn't come get me. It wasn't like we were a brand new couple either-we were together 2 years before we had our son. My mom ended up taking me & from that day forward my family didn't like him. My little brother liked him until he got sick of seeing me cry.
Tim's family doesn't care for me. We lived with his family a couple times and there were a couple occasions where I was being stupid and mean and it was uncalled for. But the problem is Tim doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut when it comes to our relationship. We get into a fight and he tells his family (Im referring to his mom and brothers) everything I did wrong & than some. Like he will tell them that 2 days earlier we got into a fight about something completely different & it was all my fault lol Why do they even need to know we got into a fight 2 days earlier?!?! His mom is one of those mothers that never want her boys to leave home and always butts head with us girlfriends or wives (Tim has 5 brothers and 1 sister). She's very 2 faced she will smile in your face than talk a bunch of crap behind your back. She fills his head with a bunch of crap & its exhausting trying to get him to understand that she's wrong. For example: he comes home from work & I'm not there. He calls me & I don't answer right away. His mom will say "she must be out cheating....where else would she be??! " when in fact I was at my girlfriends house and I didnt answer cuz I was in the bathroom lol But she will put that thought in his head and it takes forever to get it out.
I didn't mean for this post to end up so long! I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm putting in 110% effort while hes puts NO effort in. He does keep a roof over my head & food in my belly but as far as working on our relationship- zero effort. I've put up with a lot of crap in 9 years. He's the father of my children & I really love him. Also he wasn't always like this. He use to make me feel like I was his whole world & there are days he still makes me feel like a princess. Unfortunately the bad days outweigh the good. I've tried to sit down & talk with him but he always has an excuse-"Im tired" or "I just got off work" ( last time he used that one he had been off work for 3 hours already) or he thinks I want to argue! If I say something during a conversation that he doesn't like, he starts to act like a real immature jerk. Which of course pisses me off and yeah we will argue.
I really need some advice. Idk if we hit a really rough rough patch or it's over. I don't think I'm ready to give up but I'm not getting any younger. Plus I've already invested so much of my time & love in this man it seems like a waste to give up....idk what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated and I thank whoever sat and read my entire post.