TTC and being a bridesmaid...

Hi everyone - I'm posting anonymously in case anyone I know IRL ever sees this. This is long, so please bear with.
My husband and I got married about a year and a half ago and are both in our early 30s. Since our wedding, we have planned to start TTC right around now, and we just started a few weeks ago. We liked the timing as far as having some time just to be married first, as well as planning around a vacation we had coming up (which is now over) and THREE weddings I was in the year after our wedding. 
Unfortunately, one of those weddings (which should have been this past summer) was called off last year, but I have just been informed that my friend and her fiancé are now back on with a wedding date in November - my friend assumes I will still be in the wedding, and truthfully it is important to me to be there for her. She's been through a lot (it was her fiancé who called off the wedding and her heart was completely broken - it's been a rough year for her obviously).
The problem for me is that now I feel I should plan TTC around the wedding, which would mean a potential hiatus from January-March. I've been told by my doctor that I may run into some difficulties and so I am not thrilled about waiting for three whole months.
I know some will say I shouldn't, but I when I was engaged one of my very best friends promised to be in my wedding and (unasked) told me it was great timing for her bc she and her husband wouldn't be TTC for their 2nd until after the wedding date we chose. A few months later I found out through someone else that she was indeed TTC and of course she wound up getting pregnant with a due date a week after my wedding. My feelings were very hurt, that she didn't tell me herself and that she didn't care enough to hold off for one month. We worked it out and I now realize that wasn't the case, but my point is that I know how important my friend/bride-to-he's wedding is to her, how much she went through to get to this point, and I know too well the feeling of getting married later than your friends - where everyone is on to "more important" things and your wedding falls by the wayside.
I want my friend to know how important she is to me and I don't want to let her down on such an important day. I'm DEFINITELY taking a break in the month that would put my due date in the same month as her wedding, but don't know what to do about the month before and after. I also know I need to talk to her about this (the biggest reason I was so hurt by my own bridesmaid was because she let me find out from someone else).  I want to be upfront with my friend and I want her to feel as important to me as she really is. 
I just also want to have a baby and was not planning on waiting any longer. It's not her fault her wedding was postponed, but when I agreed to this it was for a wedding that should have been six months ago. It's not always a me-first world and I don't want to be selfish, so any tips on how to approach this would be really appreciated. I think I need to find some kind of a middle ground between being a good friend and planning my own future.
528 views • 0 upvotes • 16 comments

COMMENT (16)

Ni

Posted at
I don't think anyone should expect someone to stop trying to have a baby because they are in a wedding. That's ridiculous.

St

Steph • Nov 16, 2015
I agree.

Ke

Posted at
Why stop ttc because you're going to be in a wedding? You can be pregnant and be a bridesmaid at the same time! I am in my brother's wedding this spring and really hope that I will be pregnant at that time. You can always get a dress altered or hold off on buying a dress until close before the wedding. No reason to change your plans!

St

Posted at
I get you being upset about her no talking directly to you, but there is no circumstance in which someone should stop living their own life (including attempting to have children) for someone else's wedding. Anyone who expects their friends to do otherwise is being ridiculous.

Ni

Posted at
I'm sorry but I think it's ridiculous to put off ttc for a wedding. Pregnancies are complicated and personal and yes weddings are important but I think it would be very selfish to ask someone to wait to conceive until after a wedding. If one of my bridesmaids had been pregnant, I would have happily accommodated her. I bought all of their dresses and had them pampered that day. I felt honored to have them there. My hubby and I were also in our early thirties when we got married last year and decided to get pregnant right away (but we lived together for years before getting married). I'm 31 weeks along with our first 😆 Good luck to you, but I wouldn't change my plans for anyone. It's not selfish at all IMO. People are way too selfish these days when it comes to their weddings.

As

Posted at
Just talk to her! You shouldn't put your life on hold for a friend. If she is truly a good friend she will be excited for you!

Mo

Posted at
Real friends (esp in their 30's) should understand that their adult friends have their own lives and that things happen beyond our control. Your starting a family is mutually exclusive from her on again relationship with her fiancé. TTC is a crapshoot. You have no idea how long it will take you to conceive. And, unfortunately you have no control over how long you stay pregnant once you do. I personally don't believe that it is ever anyone's business when a couple is TTC. You should do what is best for you and your husband and your friend should understand if you are unable to be in her maybe wedding because you are too pregnant or too early in your pp stage. 

El

Posted at
We have been Ttc baby #2 for 13 months now. My sister is getting married in June in a different country. I am the maid of honor and I'm not stopping Ttc. She has a plan B if for some reason I can't be there. A year ago I planned around a pregnancy now I plan as if it will never happen. I have a cruise after thanksgiving, destination wedding in June, and Disney next November. I won't give up but I can't plan everything as if I'll have a baby any time soon. 

Ka

Posted at
What does TTC mean? Sorry, new to the app.

Ka

Kacy • Nov 16, 2015
Thank you Nicole.

Ni

Nicole • Nov 16, 2015
trying to conceive

Ni

Posted at
My husband and I weren't trying hardcore to get pregnant but I was definitely paying attention to cycles and days and it was kind of driving me mildly insane. This past June I decided to delete all my ttc apps because it was my best friends wedding and we had a family trip planned that month. I just wanted to relax and enjoy myself so I took a break from ttc that month. I found out I was pregnant July 7th. That break was just what I needed.

Ly

Posted at
I wouldn't wait. She should understand. I didn't stop cause inwas going to be in my sisters wedding. I was 8 months pregnant and her bridesmaid. It was uncomfortable but she had no problem :)