My SO and I have been together for almost a year. I know he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, but he isn't very open with his emotions and feelings about a lot of things: kids being one of them. All he has really said is that he does want kids with me one day. He's 31 and I'm 21, but I've always felt that I would be ready for children before him. I never had malicious intent when it came to being intimate with him, but I truly wanted to be a mother and to have a baby with him and share that experience with him. I wasn't on birth control and he knew that, but trusted I tell him when I was at a higher risk of pregnancy so we could take necessary precaution. Well, in August I chose to keep from him that I was in my week of highest fertility and we used no protection at all. I got pregnant on purpose and immediately after telling my family and my SO being talked into it by them, I had my back against the wall and was "forced" to have an abortion. I have regretted it every moment of every day for the past 7 weeks since I had the procedure done. I am so mad at myself for being talked into getting rid of the child I had chosen to create and loved more than life itself. I want nothing more than to take it back. My SO has no clue that I got pregnant on purpose and I know telling him after the fact will do nothing, but cause more problems now that it is over and done with. I'm just so disappointed in myself and feel like a terrible person. I still have every <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.nurture">pregnancy app</a> on my phone and sometimes feel like I still am carrying the baby. This is the worst feeling in the world. How do I come back from this?