Struggling A Bit 😐

At 12 weeks I did an intelligender prediction test for fun, it said boy. At 15 weeks I got a surprise ultrasound & I was told boy. 16 weeks my OB did another ultrasound and i swore i seen a girl but he didnt want to say just yet. On monday i was 19 wks 3 days he did another ultrasound & asked if i wanted to know the gender i said yes.. we seen 2 lines and he said 95% chance its a girl. Now tomorrow morning we have our official anatomy scan so I told hubbs that I was told girl.. We have two girls, of course i really wanted my boy & then to get tubal ligation done because ive had so many complications this time around and this is going to be my 3rd c section. Im trying to prepare myself for having my 3rd girl but just cant seem to crack a smile or pick names yet. It seems unreal. And although i have felt that i was having a girl despite all of the boy talk I guess i really wanted my boy and now im in denial. Just needed to vent a bit. I know ill change how i feel once I hold her or hear her first cry but right now idk if i want to cut my tubes or not anymore.. Im such a mess. But i must add i am thankful that after everything we have been through baby is healthy and im doing better being strong & so is she.