I have no feelings
So I went to the doctor for my 6 week follow up after losing my son on 10/9 at 20 weeks.
Well I am pregnant. She confirmed.
She took an ultrasound but I'm really early so it's a small sac measuring like 5 weeks and 2 days. I go back next week to see if there is an actual baby.
Got a blood draw to check my levels because there is a 2.8 CM subchoirionic hemmorage in my uterus. Basically blood is in there. She is hoping my levels rise and it absorbs itself. If it doesn't I could miscarry.
The thing is... I'm still grieving my son. I feel so guilty about this baby I literally have no feelings. If I lose it I lose it and I know that sounds terrible. I'm so overwhelmed I feel like I'm losing it. I miss my son River. I don't know how I feel about this new baby and the now prospect that I may lose it. I'm just literally a complete mess. I had a breakdown when I left the office.
Do not bash me. I lost my son at 20 weeks. A little over a month ago. I had to say goodbye after giving birth and this was my first baby. I am completely lost without him and I don't know how to feel.
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