It has been 16 years since my first, 12 years since my second , and 5 years since my third.

It was so beyond hard after the first I never thought I would get through it. It consumed me..... every single second of every single day. As time passed, I did get through it and every day got slightly easier as time went on. 

I do have two beautiful daughters, now aged 16 and 11, who are the light of my life. We are currently trying for baby number three. I have gotten so depressed over not being able to conceive this time around I started to feel so stuck, depressed, & down. However, today I had an overpowering feeling that came over me that made me feel better..... I can't explain it, but I know that if it is supposed to happen ,it will happen. I'm officially putting away my OPK's and I'm going to stop obsessively testing early  with the hundreds of home pregnancy tests I have purchased. 

To my angel babies in Heaven- Mommy loves you SO MUCH. I am so very sorry I was not able to carry you in my belly the way I was supposed to. I always wonder what you would look like, and who you would be today. I am so sorry you're there and I am here. I do hope you have your wings and you're watching over us and you forgive me for not being able to have you.

I love you more than words can express💗

👼🏼Baby #1- lost/taken at 13 weeks. (If you were a boy, you would of been named Anthony)

👼🏼Baby #2- 8 weeks

👼🏼Baby #3- 7 weeks