I need advice please. Help me :(
At the start of my life my dad wasn't a perfect dad at all. He hurt my mum to protect me (how he would see it). I've read everything he did and I hate him, I hate him so much for it. Time went on and I went to his from id say been 7/8 maybe to 15. Things started getting harder. Me and my dad were so close we built our connection up, we went out together when I went to his house for the weekend, take me to theme parks and stuff like that. Then he met a women who is now his wife. Our bond started losing, we didn't go out as much anymore, we wouldn't be a dad and daughter bond in my opinion. I was always his little angel, I remember him telling me before I went to bed. His first. Then he had 2 kids with her. I bonded perfect with the first (my step brother) as my sister with my mum wasn't born but the second he had (step sister) I couldn't bond with at all cause I had a sister at my proper home who I have a complete utter bond with. As things got complicated he didn't do nothing with me, I saw less in him towards me, I saw less off him and then I wanted my time apart from him. My life done with him. Last year I wanted to contact him again so I did but it didn't go well as he hardly spoke to me ever and didn't like it if I hadn't spoke but he's my dad it's his place. So I told him how much I hated him and how much he has hurt me ( he caused me anxiety) literally everything. His whole family's hate me, his mum just went against me and I had a great bond with her, they said some damn hateful words to me just discusting. My mum doesn't want me near him. Now though I am missing him so much, not a day goes where I don't think of him, everywhere I go I feel he's there and it is someone else but from the back of people it's like they look like him, I am afraid what he will miss out on, he won't see me grow up. I can't speak to anyone like my mum or grandma cause it be awkward. It's hard though. So moving onto that now I have no male figure in my life to go to, just women been my mum, grandma and my 4 year old sister. I have got very close to my boyfriend lately. At the moment I will cry when he goes home, u feel stupid, the most is a day or two I won't see him and it's only a very recent thing, I hate him ignoring me for half hour or over, I love speaking to him. I understand when he's working of course. Is there a possibility I have got this close recently like I have because I haven't got a male model in my life anymore? I know it sounds wrong from my dad to my boyfriend but my boyfriend is the only guy figure I have now. My bond with my boyfriend isn't like a dad thing either ha god that would be wrong but I just want to know if the reason I have got uncontrollably close to my boyfriend and deep in with him is cause he's my only male figure. Tiny part wants my dad back but what's happened can't be fixed, it just can't.
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