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For the longest time ....

K • Sun, Nov 22

I thought God was punishing me.

The only thing my husband and I have ever wanted was a child. I went from desiring four to just asking for one.

I have lived as best as I can but not without error. I have never left faith even when I was doing wrong.

We settled down in 2012 and decided we did not want to use birth control. We got married 11-03-12. We felt like we had a spontaneous abortion 4/13/15, by had no proof of pregnancy and definitely no pregnancies measured by a doctor.

In July of 2015 we met with a fertility specialist and started the testing to see if anything was wrong. Test after test, came back normal.

I went and served on a short term mission to Guatemala and I feel like God wanted me to go and "love on My babies". He wanted me to experience loving orphans and to change my heart on what parenthood means. I had a renewed faith after serving.

My husband struggled more because he's struggling in faith. He feels let down too, but in recent weeks I had been trying to encourage him to skip church failures and look straight to Christ. And that when we do that our miracle will happen. I didn't even know if I believed what I was saying, but deep down I knew that something had to give.

We just paid off all of our debt minus car and student loans. We had a car accident 7/19/14 that wrecked us emotionally and financially and spiritually (with minor physical stuff). We received our settlement about a week ago.

So we went back to the fertility specialist who was ready to start treatment after we got my husband a sperm analysis. We also started with genetics testing. I was sure this doctor (with God of course) would make us parents in 2016. All I needed was my period to start so we could start with ultrasounds so see when I was ovulating.

Meanwhile my husband and I tried a new "schedule"... We lost his grandma to Ovarian cancer on 11/11/15, she was buried 11/13/15 and we live with grandpa. The whole family was near. We've been mourning but happy because she was a believer. Her funeral was more like a chance to meet Jesus and it inspired my husbands and I- to lean in closer to Jesus.

I came down with a gnarly cold and was taking cold meds and started feeling guilty. I was talking to my husband and and said how I was feeling, and that I should test in case a 1/100,000,000 chance it happened. Yeah right, three years. We had a bad day and a small tiff over married stuff so I went retail shopping at the dollar store. I grab more meds for my cold and two pregnancy tests.

On November 20, 2015 we got two positive pregnancy tests. I was in shock and bought a digitized. Positive 2-3. 11/21, fmu POSITIVE 3+.

I cried. Why did God choose now? I am so grateful and so scared because this means everything to us. But I feel blessed because God finally saw fit to make us "mommy" and "daddy" (we believe from conception). Please pray. I have a lot of fear.

Thank you ✝🙏🏻

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