Need Urgent Advice
Please read everything without any judgment .. I really need to hear any inputs of my current situation :
In the beginning of my marriage like the first month of it my husband confessed that he had cheated on me with his ex I really didn't see that curve ball , later on that same month I get a text from a random number telling me that i should get tested because his ex was positive for a STD and she confessed giving it to my husband . During this time words can't express how I felt or how ashame I was , since we also found out that month that I was pregnant after 6 years not having another child . We both went to the hospital and got tested and we both had to get treated but I felt horrible ..broken .. Betrayed ..I had moved with him ,away from family and friends and I was too embarrassed to tell anyone .. At the end I end up staying him and had my conditions set out with no guarantees that I would be able to get over it . After couple months we grew more distant , i end up checking his fone and found searches in his Instagram and history full of other females boobs and ass ..yet he wouldn't even touch me ... He cried and begged saying he would change and for us not to break up ..We tried couple counseling but it didn't seem like effort was being put as he always had a excuse to not able to go because of work .. I felt really depress and alone and felt like I had nobody to talk . When my son was born couple months after I looked for a job and it help make friends and distract me to what went on at home .. I felt really depress of thinking of the good history me my husband and I had shared and the possibility that it came to a end .. I would hint intimacy and he will make excuses of being tired so I just felt during my pregnancy and after that he lost attraction for me . Everytime I will have a talk with him he will promise to change but it just seemed like nothing was happening .. When my husband had a work training event that he had to leave for 3 months I went back to my home town and went out with friends .. I missed everyone and I was so happy to be back home . One day my friend invited me to a concert and thru her I met this guy who had a lot of things in common . We begin all of us hanging out , talking, and after one month , one night we all went out and I got drunk , I never denied to this man I was married or any of my issues after I felt safe to open up to him as he did with me . I end up having sex with him and didn't really recall of all the details until we spoke about it , he mention he didn't use a condom so after I got back to my home area purchase a Plan B 4 days after .. My best friend and found out later that the same ex he told me he broke of with he still had a relationship .. When my husband came back I confessed everything and I didn't feel like making things works even tho I felt horrible about having sex with someone who wasn't my partner ..I felt that even tho I was wrong the attention I received was what I lacked in my last 2 years in our marriage . We discussed the topic of divorced as things even got very verbally and worst ..my children was seeing us fight and he end up punching our door and just got nasty, I wasstill breastfeeding so I haven't had a period and I also wanted to get tested for anything .. I was told I was pregnant ..I decided to keep the baby I even told my husband .. The news wasn't the most happiest one I felt I recieved during that moment but I wanted to face the music regardless of the consequences .. Abortion wasn't a option even if I knew it would fix things in some ways ..I end up getting sick ..and my husband end up taking care of me and helping me with my kids.. even tho at this time I didn't live with him anymore I had moved out .. So here I am 20 weeks pregnant with my first girl after 3 boys .. I love My husband and I don't share with him my feelings but I belive he wouldn't ever end up getting back with me since his the one who feels I messed up and don't acknowledge everything he put me thru in the last 2 years .. The other guy is in the picture wants a relationship with me but I shared with him how I feel and decided it's best if we just can have a relationship for the baby's sake but nothing else until I take care of my issues with my husband and find myself and my feelings .. I regret being pregnant by him and there is no day I don't wish it was my husbands .. I wish that my husband and I could work things out ..but I feel that me keeping my baby would eliminate any chances .. I get my wrong but on my husbands eyes His the victim .. he says he can't see him getting past it .. That the baby will remind him of my betrayal everything ..So many other thing happen in my marriage that I didn't add on here .. I'm not trying justify my actions but I just feel that I have done my very best all by myself .. I can't wait to have my daughter .. I promise her I will give her all the love being no different to my other kids .. Any input ?
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