So Christmas is coming upon us. I gotta say I'm so not excited about it. I mean I've never really been one to get overly excited about Christmas..even as a child.

I think as a child Christmas for me meant yet another time that my mom would lock herself in her bedroom and push a suicide not under the door for me and my older sister to find. Oh yes that happened on three different Christmases. My sister recently told me the only reason she puts on a happy face and puts up a Christmas tree is becuase of her daughter Ava whose 4...she's such a sweet thing and to ruin another little girls Christmases would be horrible.

This year though has been such a very trying year for me. This year we were supposed to start ttcing for our first baby and then I lost my full time job and it was decided that until I get another job we will start using condoms again...and wow! I truly never understood the closeness one feels with their SO during intimate times when we weren't using condoms, now that we do...I just don't feel close anymore, only sad....but that's getting off topic. So this Christmas I said to my SO that we should give food to the poor, pay it forward, go to a soup kitchen or church and celebrate Christmas with people who deserve a warm meal. So that's what we're doing. No gifts for anyone....although perhaps a card for my sister in law....lol...There's a whole other post about that on here. Also my little nice Ava will have something from us. I booked us a few days ago at one of the churches here. They are putting on this Christmas meal and toy drive. It'll be fun, spiritual and Maybe it'll make me appreciate my life more.

~~~Merry Christmas~~~