Is it wrong?

Question

Is it wrong of me to be upset with my husband if he misses the birth of our daughter taking his other kids home to their mom? This is my first and I wanted it to be just him and I when I give birth but his other kids live 2.5 hours away and I'm afraid he won't be here when she decides its time to show up. We're his family now and as much as I want him to see his other kids I think he should definitely be there by my side for this. Am I wrong? I'm 38w n feel that she is very near but he wants to take to 5 hour round trip to get them Friday and Sunday, am I being selfish asking him to not get them?

Answer

Coming from a child of divorce, you saying "we are his family now" is a very hurtful thing to say. You should view his children as being a part of your family too. I understand you want him there, and he should be there. Unfortunately labor isn't scheduled unless you're induced or schedule a c section. He should make the birth the priority, however, I understand that he can't just sit and wait for labor to start when he has other responsibilities and other children to see.

Answer

I would let him get them personally.. They're still his family even if he isn't with their mom and seeing as it's close to Christmas I can imagine he wants to see them. Most labors with first babies last much longer than 5 hours anyways, so he would likely make it in time if you happen to go into labor after he leaves to get them or take them home. Just remember to view it from his eyes. Clearly his children are important to him and that's a great thing.

Answer

To be perfectly blunt (because that's what the Internet is good for lol), yes it's wrong. In a few years if he's moved along to someone else being his "family now", are you okay with him completely ignoring the needs of your child since it's apparently old news once a new one comes along?

That being said, just because it's "wrong" to feel that way doesn't mean you're not going to, cuz yay pregnant hormones! Lol however you should appreciate that you're having a baby with someone who seems like his children remain a priority.

Answer

I understand where you're coming from, but I also see his side too. Your due so close to Christmas, a time I'm sure his other kids will surely want to see&spend time with him and will probably be really upset if they don't, as well as your husband. I understand your frustration, but I wouldn't hold it against him to see his other kids too as they are also his family. Keep in mind, most ftms go past their due dates and most likely will be in labor for longer than you think. Maybe there's a way you can comprise? Could you or him possibly make arrangements for a family member or friend to help by picking them up for you, whether that be half way or the full round trip? Or even see if the mother could or see if she has a friend that could and just chip in for gas? Either way, I wish you the best of luck!

Answer

Not being selfish at all! I have a step daughter and her mother is a nightmare. I've made it very clear that I need my husband there for me and our daughter when the time comes (hopefully any day now). Can he postpone the visit? Or can their mother meet you guys half way to dinner or a shorter visit? I would resent my husband forever if he missed the birth of our daughter because he couldn't make other arrangements. I'm always taking a backseat to his former life but not this. Good luck to you, I totally get t!!

Answer

Why don't you go with him? I personally would drive along with my husband, that way if you went into labor he is there with you and you guys can go to the nearest hospital together.

Answer

I think he should make this birth his priority. Maybe the mom should pick the kids up if you go into labor? He should have a back up plan in place and not one that involves you being by yourself. My last baby, I had my best friend in the L&D room just in case the father decided this event wasn't important enough for him to show up.

Answer

The other mom should meet half way. That would be the decent respectable thing to do....but I know not all are decent

Answer

I would agree with you that 5 hours round trip is too much, even if it's 5 hours of your early labor that he's missing, he needs to support you and be there for you. Can you all see his kids after the birth and introduce them to the little one then?

Answer

You can't find someone to come pick up the children? A grandparent, aunt, uncle...their mother.. Someone?? I would be really upset if my husband missed the birth, but we have someone coming to pick up our son when I go into labor... I would not want to be alone. Him having to drive to drop them off then drive back is a lot of time, and it would be easier if you could come up with a different plan

Is it wrong?

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