I didn't know where else to turn. After delivering the girls in October of this year, my husband and I felt like they were stolen from us which I'm sure all of you felt too. We decided to TTC right away, not to replace them but to fill an emptiness in our hearts and souls. Many times I would clutch my belly and pray that it was all just a horrible nightmare and that I would wake from it. With Christmas coming and my birthday a month away, I was desperate to have the possibility of a rainbow baby. It would make the holidays somehow easier to have the hope of a new baby/babies in the new year. I am 9 dpo today and got a very very faint bfp this morning. Have my desperate prayers been answered? Did my daughters hear my cries and intercede for us? In all this I wish I felt better about it and I feel guilty. Guilty to be happy because this doesn't mean I get Elliana and Victoria back. Guilty because I don't know how to connect with this pregnancy. Guilty that I wanted to get pregnant again for selfish reasons. To feel movement in my womb again and the joy of hearing a heartbeat. Im terrified all of this is too good to be true and that it will be ripped from me again. I will be a nervous crazy wreck and I'm not sure how to deal. Have any of you beautiful angel moms been through this? I feel like buying a Doppler to hear heartbeats for reassurance. Is that a crazy idea? Im sorry for this rambling and I appreciate you listening and any advice you can spare. You all have helped me so much through this grieving process and I am forever grateful for each and every one of you! Have a Merry Christmas and may your angels shine bright in the Heavens.