Two years ago I had to make the hardest decision of my life. I married a drug addict 5 years ago and he hit one if my kids. Their father allowed and watched a family member sexually abuse my oldest son and dhs got involved. I left their father and I divorced my husband. I was at an all time low in my life was in a domestic shelter after my husband kept me locked in a room all day and beat me. I never did drugs and thought I was in love with him. Things were great to begin with I didn't even know he was going drugs till he hit my son. My kids were removed and stayed with family. I also ended up in a women's shelter got a job and met a guy. I wasn't really looking he just found me I guess.

I moved hours away from my kids got a better job and ended up with my youngest child living with me and my bf, my child woke up early and went for a walk by +++self. I was at work and my bf had just worked a double shift, a family member was suppose to come get my child that morning and ended up not getting +++ . I called a family friend who came and watched +++, but dhs had already been called and the child went back to the family member. Dhs made it impossible for me to get my kids back and to save them from any more abuse from their father my family adopted them.

My bf and I have had 8 miscarriages in the time we've been together. He went and got tested and the doctors told him he had little to no testosterone and it would be very unlikely that we'd ever have a family together. We were trying and he didn't want to be a father as he had a terrible upbringing. In October we found out that we are in fact having a rainbow baby and he is actually excited and can't wait to meet our child. We have no friends and little to no family support, he decided that we needed to get married before the baby comes in June so we've been married for almost 2 weeks now. My family won't let me tell my other kids which I understand but I have nobody to share this joy/ excitement that I should be able to have. I feel sad and like it's not important and that I should just forget the whole thing, it's almost to the point where I wish I would have not told anybody and got an abortion which I'm totally against. I feel so alone and I'm scared that when the baby comes I'll be to depressed or not want it cuz it's like something forbidden that I can't enjoy. I'm so torn and hurt. My husband doesn't get it and my family isn't supportive. I don't know what to do, we find out what we're having in January.