I'm not married, not engaged... but I've been with my SO for over two years. He has two kids with his ex wife. That twat makes life hard for him and I and the kids.

There's so much to say but I really just want to vent the gist of it.. however I'm sure it will be a long vent.

Maybe it's emotions from being pregnant but I'm just so tired and fed up with that woman. She's not even a woman or a mother she's a bitch. She doesn't work, lives off child support and those two kids never see a dime of it. She buys this n that and the kids are always dirty and in raggy ass clothes. I'm pregnant and I might not be a mother yet but I've helped my SO raise his kids. I don't currently work, and we get the kids on the weekends or whenever she says we can or when she's "tired of them because they are driving her nuts".

SHE wrote out holidays and what years the kids will come to their father in the divorce papers. Yet SHE doesn't follow shit. She does what she wants when she wants.

We got the kids Christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">eve</a> night and she demanded them to be back by 1pm Christmas day. Their dad has been off all weekend yet now when he has to go back to work is when she wants us to have the kids for a few days.

I might not be a mother yet by I do and have always done my best with those kids. Love them as my own. Make sure they are clean and taken well care of. Make sure they have everything they need. We have to buy two of everything because if not they don't have things they need when with their mother. And I won't dare send any nice things we have home with them because I've done that before and it "disappears".

I am so tired of being used by that Bitch. And she's constantly back and forth back and forth with those kids. It's not fair to them. It's not fair to their father and I.

In this state, they favor mothers. I know nothing about custody and divorce laws so I have no idea what could be done. EVERY week it's SOMETHING. and it causes so much tension between my SO and I. I suggested we get them this Thursday - Sunday because he will be off but the bitch exwife threw a fit and said he won't see the kids next weekend and she's taking them somewhere on Tuesday. So he got upset and blew up at me. And it was a big argument. I cried for two hours and still haven't completely stopped.

It's so hard to be a "step mom". I feel like no matter what I do. I'm the bad guy. I'm fucked if I do, fucked if I don't.

I refuse to live like this another year, even more so now that I will have my own baby to think about.

I'm tired, frustrated, sick of his bitch ex wife running my life. I feel like I need to run far far away.

He said he was sorry a few times and he doesn't mean to blame me... but sorry doesn't just heal and make things better. I told him okay but it still hurts. He's so cold sometimes. Usually were so happy and laughing, joking and happy. We are happy but if I don't agree to watch the kids when she says we can have them, he turns into a dark and cold asshole to me.

I'm lost on what to do. My gma told me to let it go and just watch the kids. She also told me there will come a day when I've had enough and I'll leave.

I don't want a broken family for my son but I will not live this way forever. I feel broken. I feel like I'm not suppose to be happy. This whole pregnancy I've cried and been depressed. And I know hormones play a part... but I have not felt happy very much. I wanted a baby for a few years. I wanted a family with someone I love and can grow with I feel like I'm good for one thing, watch his kids when he works and whenever his exwife says so. I feel like my happiness doesn't matter. I don't matter.

I try so hard to be a good woman. I cook for him, clean the house. Take care of the pets, take care of his kids. I don't regret doing any of it, but I am so tired of feeling unappreciated.

I'm lost. I don't know... 😓

Thoughts?.. Opinions?.. Anything?..

*update, oh and now that the ex wife is getting her way again... she's no longer taking them anywhere Tuesday-Sunday. We get them all week. Oh oh. I get them all week, because he works.

I love those kids. I don't mind taking care of them. However, I'm tired of her games and I get blamed for it all.