I lied and I feel so bad.

My bf of 2 years and I recently had a Mc with our first child (in November), and my Dr told us to wait 3 months to ttc again. The other night we had sex and before he busted he asked was I ovulating.... I wasn't really thinking about the question asked at that moment (even though I heard and understood what he said), bc I've been wanting that feeling for so long since the Mc. Now I feel so bad, if I get pregnant and Mc again I wouldn't be able to forgive myself, I wouldn't expect him to either. We both want children, but he want to wait until my body is ready again. I really want a child of my own, tired of raising othets children. Not looking for harsh judgment just needed to vent.