Sitting here at 140am wondering

I have been reading through some posts and have started to respond to some only to realize how utterly tragic my life was as a child. "How old were you when you lost your virginity?" well 8 by force. "How old were you you during your first pregnancy?" 17 but I lost my little Mikey when I was 23 weeks 4 days because his father for drunk and beat me. Is spousal rape real? Yes I was raped repeatedly throughout my 9 year marriage. And all this is just the tip of the dick that fucked me since I was 5. But on a very high note I now have a wonderful husband that understands he has to announce his presence before he hugs me from behind. And why I can't be cuddled in my sleep. Why I have to sleep with noise. And why at 34 years old I still have night terrors and insomnia because sometimes fighting exhaustion is better than fighting my demons. And I have to wonder how in the world I got so lucky