He doesn't want to marry me?!?💔💔

Question

I've been with my S/O 6 years now. We've both hurt each other in the past but I believe those are scars and reminders of not to do it again. On New Years eve night we were driving home and I asked him if he'd changed his mind on marriage. He doesn't believe marriage is needed in a relationship if you love someone. I sat quietly in the car with tears rolling down my face he'd broken my heart again! Speaking to his sister about it she told me that he doesn't do anything that doesn't benefit him. Now I'm starting to believe her! I'm 11w4d today and now I'm wondering if I made the right decision to be with him!  I've loved him for so long but if we're never going to get married this relationship is pointless. I'm not sure that I'm thinking rational and I don't want to pressure him like he pressured me into getting pregnant.

Answer

If a man refused to marry me, I'd leave. I've dated a man in the past for 3 years. He always said he "doesn't believe in marriage." We ended up breaking up and he married the woman he dated. I'm not bitter, we just weren't a good match. Now I'm happily married to the love of my life and ttc. I personally believe 99% of men want to get married, but they'll drag a relationship out with women whom they gave no intention of marrying out of boredom, fear of being alone, etc. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but this is just what I've seen in my personal experience.

Answer

Well honestly it sounds like you knew he thought this way and you can't blame him.   If not getting married is a deal breaker it's time to move on.

Answer

I think having a baby together is a bigger commitment than getting married. If you love him and don't want to lose him then it might be something you need to accept? If you can't, then maybe you need to move on. But I don't think you should leave someone because he doesn't believe in marriage.

Answer

I think the problem here is that you two were never on the same page. A relationship isn't automatically worthless without marriage. However, you feel it is, while he feels it isn't. The actual issue isn't that the relationship is suddenly invalid because it's lacking a legal stamp of approval. The actual issue is that the legality of it is a dealbreaker for you. You want it to be legal. He doesn't. The relationship is still just as good as it always was, but you want different things in the future. You'll always still want it to be legal. He never will (you can't just stay with someone on the assumption that they will someday change). It's like kids. The relationship could be awesome, but if you aren't on the same page with kids in the future, you can't expect or wait for them to get on your page, and so you part ways if it's a dealbreaker for either person.

Your relationship hasn't changed. It's still just as good as it always was. But if you are on completely different pages with marriage, and one/both isn't okay with compromising or giving up their choice, then you part ways with the understanding that your relationship didn't fail for any reason. You were just two adults who had differing opinions on a major life goal, and that meant you just weren't right for each other. You're still both good people, and can end on friendly terms, knowing you were both mature enough to realize it just wasn't going to work out.

Answer

Unfortunately..  You can't force someone to Wang marriage. I was with the love of my life for 5 years. I loved the shit out of him. He was infatuated with me... But he eventually decided he never wanted to get married or have kids. He knew I wanted nothing more. We broke up in year 5 bc we wanted different things, but kept finding ourselves back with each other bc we were so in love. He finally pushed me away completely and said it wasn't fair to me. Well I met my husband, we got married (I wouldn't change that)...  But hurts me nothing more to know that my ex ended up marrying a complete bat shit crazy pyscho and now they have a kid....  I guess we just weren't right for each other.

Answer

I'm in the same boat going on 4+ years feel like I'm waiting for something that's never going to happen and it is heart breaking. Sounds like he wanted to get you pregnant as a way to keep you from leaving him. I keep telling myself if he won't marry me I'll leave but the truth is I don't think I ever would. It's such a hard thing and I feel your pain. I've considered asking my SO maybe you just need to be untroditional and ask him instead? If you want something go and get it otherwise you could be waiting forever...

Answer

I was with my partner for 6 and a half years before he proposed. He had always said he didn't believe in marriage and I had delt with that. Kids was more important to me than getting married and I knew he wanted them when we were ready.

You just have to look at what truely matters to you. Is being with someone you love and who loves you less significant because you're not married?  If so, I'd move on.

Answer

I beleive in marriage, but it's not the be all and end all. He obviously loves you if he wanted a child with you? X

Answer

If marriage is something you really want. And he doesn't want to give you leave him find someone who will give it too you , I know it's hard but do what's best for you. Good luck Hun.

Answer

Plenty of relationships can be together without marriage because it's the decision every day when you wake up to be with that person, and be faithful. The amount of cheating that goes on is testament to the fact plenty of people aren't deterred to be assholes even with rings and vows.

Now, I think marriage is important because it gives us rights to take care of each other that we otherwise wouldn't get. If my husband was in the hospital, I want to be able to see him and make decisions. Without being married, your ass is in the waiting room and his parents have to fly in to make decisions if he's incapacitated.

As for bank accounts, my husband and I have our separate accounts, then one joint one we put money in for bills. That way we've both had disposable income we know we can use on ourselves and the kids with being able to pay bills.

If to you not getting married is a deal breaker, then you have no choice but to leave. And when you say he pressured you into getting pregnant, that's concerning. Don't be blinded by infatuation, talk to friends and family who know you both, think about your relationship and what happens behind closed doors, and decide if you really want to be with him.

He doesn't want to marry me?!?💔💔

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