2 years ago I held my two stillborn identical twin girls in my arms, they were only 22 weeks in my belly and it seemed like nothing in this world will ever change the feeling of complete loss I've had. I was surrounded by pain, every day. Then I became pregnant again, and I experienced the greatest miracle, I got pregnant with fraternal twin girls again, and everything that was wrong last time, it was right during this pregnancy. It has been a healthy, challenging and painful, but healthy pregnancy. Now, I am 32 weeks, getting ready for my girls, and every time I open a package or wash their little onesies, I can't help but wonder how my little angels would have been, and I can't prevent myself from feeling absolutely terrified about what's to come. It's like I would not be calm or even believe they are real until I have them in my arms, healthy and beautiful. Once you experience a loss, everything seems too good to be true. I just wish I was not feeling like this, but just happy, completely happy....