Blowing does suck

Lilly • I'm 16. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now and we're taking about sex.
I told my boyfriend that blow-jobs are weird for me cause they taste gross and he's too "big" for my mouth and that I enjoy it only sometimes...
He is now super self conscious about it and whenever I want to give one to him, he stops being hard cause it's a turn off when he knows I don't always enjoy it. I feel like I ruined his blow job experience and he's my first and I'm his first.
What do I do to make enjoy blow jobs again?