Not sure where to post this, and Facebook isn't the answer, since back then I kept my life very very very secretive and I prefer my family not to know.  Ok so I been clean now for 4 years, but lately I feel myself wanting to slip back. (More then usual) I use to be horriable, did a lot of horriable things, things I do regret, those thoughts, memories, and craves are slipping back to me and I want them to go away again! I feel like banging my head against the wall to make them go away. I actually have my own family now to stay clean, but omg sometimes it's like just one hit won't hurt or acouple of bumps and no one will know... But I know that's all it takes for me to go back... Even right now writing my thoughts out instead of just thinking about them my breathing is heavy and my throat is getting watery... I feel like I need to get this out instead of holding on. I just moved to a new state.. I feel I need to find some meetings to go to again. Thank you for reading, no comment needed just needed to get this out.