Miscarriage and abortion

I lost my momo twins at 19w. Because their cords were very knotted, I had to have a D&E or get a c-section. Florida is a very conservative state and OB/GYNs are shamed by anti-choice activists into not providing proper reproductive care to women. I was pretty much abandoned by my OB and MFM doctor to figure out how to get that D&E on my own. My MFM doctor provided me a peice of paper with a handful of termination providers in the entire state and told me to call them. It was the holidays so naturally no one was in the office. When I eventually got ahold of someone the person who ended up scheduling my appointment was worried because my water broke and thought I would go into labor before getting to the doctor. I was terrified!!! I thought I'd go into labor and have to have an emergency c-section. I researched the surgeon and found nothing but anti-choice propaganda. I imagined that this "horrible evil abortionist" doctor was some kind backwoods creep. All those fears were dissolved at my consultation meeting. The guy was the most compassionate doctor you will ever meet. The surgeon ended up being 1.5 hrs away from my home though. That means I had to ride 1.5 hrs home and 1.5 hrs back to the hospital with five large lamanaria sticks in my cervix. It was extremely painful and I was for sure I was going to birth my twins before I made it to the hospital the next day. I made it through but there were several times that night where I had this urge to push and I had to really concentrate on not pushing. The surgery itself went well. The surgeon was the kindest most compassionate doctor I have ever met (I can't stress this enough). He truly is a blessing and a champion for women's health. When I woke up from anesthesia I instantly started bawling. He actually sat there with me in post-OP and held my hand while I cried. I'm 3 weeks post-OP and doing great physically. I'd do anything to have my twins back and am still weepy, but I'm getting by.

It's not considered an abortion. Abortion is the termination of a living fetus. A d&c or taking pills to remove the tissue of a pregnancy not progressing or living is not the same.

At exactly 10 weeks this past Thursday (01/21/16) I had my first ultrasound. We were so over the moon excited to be having our second child. We got 2 surprises that day. 1. I was pregnant with twins. 2. They had stopped growing at 8w1d and there was no heartbeat for either of them. In the next few hours we talked about options. I chose to induce the miscarriage via medication. Over the next few hours I had cramping and bleeding to soak 1 pad. I placed the medication again knowing that the first had been unsuccessful. No bleeding but continued cramping Thursday into Saturday. Then the cramping stopped completely. The wait until Monday(01/25/16)  knowing that I still had more "work" to do literally tore my soul apart. Monday I went in and had to wait 2HOURS before seeing the dr. The staff apologized profusely once the mistake of the front desk was realized. From there the dr did another ultrasound and nothing had changed from Thursday, but my uterus had continued to grow. I had my DnC that afternoon. I'm sad and angry that my first dr didn't tell me that odds were that with carrying twins the meds probably would be unsuccessful. I could have been saved 5 days of mental and emotional torture. It's over and I'm healing but this hormonal crash is pretty intense and I'm just riding the waves. My motto today is somedays being a good mommy means changing his diaper and keeping him fed while binge watching curious George, and that's OK. 

We had an app. At 01/23 last Saturday , I was 10w+2. Unfortunatelly doctor realised that there was no heartbeat.... It has been stoped at 8w. I feel foolish...two weeks...I had my d&c on Monday 01/25.First they gave me 2 pills, one for oral take the other from vaginal. After 1 and half hour I feel some cramping and little spotting. Then they took me for an operation. Also we sent the embrio for genetic research. This was IFV baby...

I had two ultrasounds. One at week 6 and one at week 7. The first my gestational sac measures 6 weeks one day but there was no yolk sac and no fetal pole. The next week I measured at 6 weeks and 3 days with again, only the gestational sac and I had started spotting the day after the first ultrasound. It was a constant red spotting. My doctor told me I had a blightened ovum. My body had absorbed the baby because of there being chromosomal abnormalities. She wanted to get me pain medication and the same pills you took to help push everything out. I got them yesterday as my cramping had naturally started to be extremely bad. I was extremely hesitant as I wanted to miscarry naturally. By the end of the night I realized that no matter what my body was miscarrying. So I took one set of the pills she gave me go help push everything along and from 1am to 6am I had the worst contractions and pain I've ever experienced in my life. (Given I've never had contractions so I didn't have anything to compare it with.) I almost fainted many times, I felt sick when drinking water, I threw up three times and I tried to help them with a warm bath. Finally they started to ease a little once when I stopped crying from the pain and focused on breathing. I fell asleep around 6am and then woke up at seven to pee. My pain is pretty much gone and I passed the remaining home of our child. I'm saving it so that my husband and I can do something in honor of our child. We may do a little fun funeral. I'm thinking of getting a seed and planting it above the remains to give it new growth. (Circle of life.) I just can't wait for us to fully grieve and try again. We want to start our family so bad. God has a plan for us all though. Stay strong. You are not alone.