Its been almost two months since I've had my baby. I love him. I will do anything for him. But when he was born I couldn't react like they do in movies, I didn't cry, I didn't feel that amazing feeling. I thought maybe it was a state of shock. But then we went home and I still didn't feel anything I was numb, I was tired. But I was worried about everything. Am I doing it right. My SO works all day and almost the whole week so I never really asked for his help. I don't get much sleep, or get to eat or clean or take care of myself. Much less think of myself. But I think of him and how the lack of attention towards me makes me feel like I'm boring. Which is weird bc i was spoiled when i was pregnant. He likes to drink and recently it's been everyday. He gets pretty drunk and when he comes home he says goodnight to the baby and k.o.

I only feel loved when I see my baby smile but he loves his daddy! I tried asking my SO to not drink if he watches him so he could spend time with our son. But to him he doesn't see the problem. Sometimes I feel like we live 2 different lifestyles and I'm holding him back from his fun. But maybe he drinks bc he running from something or stress? Or maybe I am the problem? I feel like crap. But I love him so much, all I want is time with him and for him to enjoy it.